What Desperation Does
by Petale-de-Rose
Summary: Since Naru left, Mai was stuck in a slow motion world where seconds felt like years, where visions played out in front of her at almost every corner she turned since her gift grew out of control; of bad men who tortured children and the desolate fallowing her, hiding from an agency that turns from wanting to train her to wanting to experiment on her. She can only try to keep sane.
1. Singing from the Bird Cage

Summary: Time seemed to go as fast or as slow as it wanted, and since Naru left, Mai was stuck in a slow motion world where visions of the past played out in front of her at almost every corner she turned since her gift grew out of control, of bad men who tortured children and the desolate fallowing her into the waking world and hiding from an agency that turns from wanting to train her to wanting to experiment on her as she tried to keep sane. NM.

**o**

**What Desperation Does**

**CHAPITRE 1**

**O**

Time.. Time did what it wanted.

The best moments of your life would flow by like a waterfall, slipping out of your fingers when you tried to catch onto it to force it to stay longer and it was gone before you could fully enjoy it.

Then there was nothing but the bittersweet feeling of trying to let go, of realizing what you had and now didn't. Time went to fast, Mai mused.

Then, there were moments where it hurt so badly that you couldn't remember how to live or breathe correctly, and at those moments time would slow down, everything would seem like the hot burn of a knife sliding in languidly yet repeatedly, like poison settling in, making a mark that wouldn't ever go.

Ironically, time would slow down then, and it would break down the strongest people to go through such torture that felt like it lasted years, decades, _centuries_; it changed you until you woke up one morning and could barely recognize the person staring back in the mirror.

There was no return after those moments, you could never change back to the person you were, never have the same smile you did then. That was just life though…

Mai shut her brain up as she snapped her pocket mirror shut and, ignoring the paint peeling away on the library walls and the new blood spreading like ink in one corner as another vision slipped into her waking life, she finished her homework assignment to the sounds of a little boy begging for his life as she hid behind long hair.

There was nothing she could do though; this was the past after all, not an actual ghost or- 'Toughen up dummy you've seen worse.' And she had, enough to make an entire army of doctors vomit and willingly, happily claw their own eyes out. The world could really be an ugly place.

Breathing in slowly, since she was too tired to block the visions out, as she usually spent most of her days doing, she tried to continue her homework, although her writing was becoming more shaky and jagged.

….

….

Blood sprinkled onto the students in front of her, but they continued on, the good ones studying hard and the bored giggling quietly to each other and passing notes. It soaked into their hair, dripped down their oblivious faces-

She squeezed her eyes so tightly as if it could force her tear ducts back, but the knowledge that she couldn't help the poor screaming boy created such overwhelming helplessness that she didn't know how to deal with. 'If Gene were here would I still be able to naturally block them out?'

Her mind screeched to a halt- Gene and Oliver- to keep herself surviving, for the past 5 months she banned herself from even thinking of-

In less than half a minute her things were thrown in her bag and Mai was already half way to the door.

'All I need is a bath!' A long, animalistic-in-fear scream was abruptly cut off behind her and the school suddenly felt too desolate, too quiet. Her heart dropped to the soles of her rigid feet and gave a mourning choke in silent horror. 'Then when I'm rested I'll be able to train with Kajimaru-san." And she'll be a little less pale too.

She made a sharp turn into a toy store she usually passed by on the way home, deciding the the poor boy she'd seen in the library would probably love if someone left a trinket in memory of him.

* * *

Kajimaru, Hikaru.

He gave the animal instinct in her a sharp twist every time she caught him staring at her, but when Oliver left Mai had truly become desperate- for any distraction, for company that also believed in the supernatural so she wouldn't have to pretend to be normal, but mostly because her powers were truly getting out of even her control.

After a full month of being more heartbroken and terrified then she ever remembered being in her life at the time (before she became accustomed to the stream of visions attacking her while she was still awake), she had researched for any Japanese-based psychic company and begged with an exhausted voice, horse from all the screaming she had done in the past month, for them to train her. Although they emotionlessly studied her speech like one would a pinned insect, they had taken her in and 5 months later her powers were still growing too fast, but she was getting most of it under control. Most of the time.

"Konbanwa!"

"Have you finished all your homework?" Hikaru teased with an empty smile.

"Hai. hai." Mai grumbled, taking her shoes off to join him on the wide mat in the shade. Her stomach jerked at the last moment and she ended up sitting further away from him than she intended to, feeling guilty. How rude could she be?! She had no reason to feel this way towards him after 5 months, and especially after all he had done for her.

Hikaru didn't seem to notice however, and continued eating his lunch without looking at her. "Good. Then we'll be able to practice a few hours longer today."

She blinked owlishly, "A few _hours _longer?"

"Yes. I would like to.. add a couple things to train."

She sighed and simply accepted it. She was the one who asked for the help in the first place after all. "Alright, so what will we work on first?"

"We must wait for Aerina first." She recognized the dismissal in his tone and internally blanched; Aerina was someone who had no mercy although acted like a child, Mai had only studied with her a couple times, only when Hikaru wanted to test Mai's progress, but the woman had ice for eyes that plainly said she would kill her own mother if it gave her benefit. In fact, this whole agency-

"No need. I'm here." A voice interrupted from behind. "But I'm sure you sensed me coming, Mai-chan!"

Taking both their faces in, their warm smiles and empty eyes, it was a struggle for Mai to completely relax and allow her aura and gift to expand. "I'm ready." She smiled back, brushing away any other thought.

"Today's schedule is as fallows," as good looking as Hikaru was, he often reminded her of a robot. "Meditation, then we will test every ability you believe you have, Taniyama-san, and every ability we as the agency believe you will develop soon." Mai's eyes widened in disbelief, this was new.

She hadn't known they thought she had _more_ abilities. Honestly, she didn't want them. They brought her nothing but a heartache she had to face alone.

"Then," Aerina continued, looking shyly up through her eyelashes as the spotlight turned to her. "We will put you through a simulation on your own! Say Mai-chan.." Her voice turned sickly sweet. "Have you been thinking of the offer?" Of joining the agency once her training was completed.

Mai laughed nervously and tried to change the subject, tugging on a long strand of hair "Let's just get through this crazy sounding day first."

There was only one Psychic research facility she wanted to be with. And they had left her a long time ago.

One hour flew by and blended into another, and another; before she knew it an adrenaline rush had carried her through testing her visions, exorcism, cleansing, phasing through solid objects, a slight telepathy that was scaring her but starting to develop- every gift she remembered seeing in other people, every one she was afraid to have.

The more Kajimaru and Aerina looked excited, the more Mai had steadily become more afraid of herself. She didn't want to do this. The dread clawed up her throat and destroyed another target with KP, but she ignored the approving glances her accident caused.

Not eating well the past week, coupled with exams and not sleeping well either caused exhaustion to set in hours ago, but it was in these insane sessions that she finally stopped thinking about Naru. Kazuya Shibuya. Oliver Davis. The man who didn't have anything in Japan that would make him want to come back.

'What are you doing now..?' She absently stroked a leaf dropping from a tree near her during the final minutes of a break. 'Did you find a beautiful girl to take care of you for me? Are you as stressed as usual?'

_BOOM! __**CRASH!**_

"TANIYAMA-SAN!"

"S-sorry!" She inched away from the tree that had spontaneously exploded and crashed downwards. 'Oops..'

* * *

"Concentrate, Taniyama-san." Hikaru had beautiful violet-blue eyes, but they didn't know how to be soft, they always starred at her with such intensity as if her were trying to scream an answer at her.

Mai's eye sight blurred until the violet-blue blended with his pale skin and blond hair, "I..Hikaru.."

She couldn't see his surprise at the accidental use of his first name, but somehow sensed it before he got it under control. She used to be able to do that for Naru too.. Her body bowed over the parchment in her hands, the long hair sweeping around it.

She heard him shift and he moved her wrist to glide her hand over the writing on the yellowing paper. "Imagine the person writing it. Let your mind go blank- don't think of your own persona, let the persons memory left on this paper guide you then move them into existence."

For what seemed like the hundredth time, she tried again. This was another type of psychometry that apparently seers like her could develop- judging by the grass under her changing steadily into hard wood, and a desk fading into view with a frantic man scribbling notes-

_**BOOM!**_

A sigh. Little bits of burnt parchment floated around them.

"S-Sorry."

"You seem to make everything explode, Taniyama-san. I don't think you're ready to practice healing on humans yet."

"Y-you're probably right."

* * *

"Go home, Taniyama-san."

Hikaru rarely forgot anything; but he hadn't tested her astral-walking or given her that solo-simulation they had continuously hinted towards; however, she was too fatigued to care or do anything other than thank God repeatedly.

"Yata! See you in a week!" She zoomed out of there faster than a cheetah with its tail on fire, popping back in to bow to the amused couple then smiled, tripped, and exited again sheepishly.

"Hikaru-kun.." The woman beside him shifted uncomfortably after a dead silent moment.

"I know." He interrupted Aerina emotionlessly. "She is more powerful than we thought. We are lucky the girl is too trusting." The fake smiles had already dropped by now and the tall male opened the file he was carrying in his hand to stare at a picture and stats of a smiling brunette he was becoming enamored with.

"And the last test?"

"The agency wants me to give her the last test through a dream. They want to see if she can get herself out."

The rest of the sentence was unsaid but the silence screamed it.

… If she can get out _alive._ And sane.

"It will be such a waste to lose such talent." Aerina shrugged carelessly, obviously expecting Mai's death.

It had happened to almost every other high ranked test subject after all.

* * *

Mai didn't walk away from the building she'd been training in for the past months; she _ran_, pushing out every terrified feeling of her growing powers and overwhelming confusion and choosing to ignore dealing with everything happening to her because only Kami-sama knew just how desperately she needed this training.

'It could be worse.' Naru was shoved to the forefront of her mind; just flashes of Naru and of every moment she'd spent with him slowed her world so quickly. Her chest hurt. 'It could be worse.' Naru, Naru, Naru, come back, _please _come back-

'At least I have Kajimaru-san.' She breathed roughly at that, through the shaming tears glazing her eyes and the irony of having fallen so far down in her life that she had to depend on a person she didn't even trust or wish to be around. She had grown up alone but never felt it, not until she lost everything SPR had given her. 'It could be worse.'

Home was finally in her view, so tightening her hold on her messenger school bag and digging her chin into the warmth of her scarf from the fall cold, she quickened her pace once again.

Still too tired to block her day-visions, she also gave a large girth to a fighting couple who were wearing 18th century style clothing. The male was holding a farmers pitchfork, which, she supposed was how the woman died.

She gave a teary laugh at some of their insults, slightly expecting them to turn to her but quickly slipped in and shut the glass door of her building firmly behind her.

Hesitating, she turned to watch them bicker for a little longer with a fond smile. They reminded her of Monk and Ayako; it gave her a little comfort to remember them.

_Ring. Ring._

Snapping up in surprise, she immediately dug into her pockets for her cell phone to see Madoka's name flashing across the screen. Smiling in happiness she quickly answered, "Moshi, moshi! Madoka-chan!"

The tinkle of her laugh rang through the speaker. "Mai-chan! It's so good to hear your voice sweetheart!"

"You.. You have no idea." She slid her fingertips down the glass panel before leaving the fighting couple when the woman pulled out a knife. 'Definitely like Bou-san and Ayako..'

"Is everything alright?" Mai backpedaled, realizing she just how weary she sounded in her last spoken sentence.

"Yes, just a little tired, I promise! How are you? And everyone?" She chose to take the stairs instead of the elevator.

"Weeeeellll, that monk and miko are driving me absolutely up the wall. I've never seen two people literally fight over spilled milk. Or a certain way to fold clothes. Or how to stir a pot. Or what channel to watch. Or-"

"They take time to grow on you." Mai laughed breathlessly, feeling fainter than she should from simply walking up some stairs.

"That's not the best part! Since they are the only people here raised in Japan within 10 miles, Noll is trying to order them to make his tea. I've never seen the kitchen so destroyed." Her heart twisted and she looked away as if Madoka were actually here, very much ashamed of the hurt that still played out on her face months after his move.

"Well at least you all sound like you have a good source for amusement." Mai quickly changed the topic to Madoka's barely 1 year old son, listening to the woman excitedly speak as she pushed through another door and searched for her keys with the free hand.

When she reached her door, a dizzy spell hit her so suddenly she actually crumpled to the ground and her lungs began heaving. Feeling like she had taken a blow to the head, every sense was filled with suffocation, and a loud ringing flooded her ears.

A couple moments of silently trembling later, her vision cleared up enough so she could reach for her fallen phone and pulled it back up to her ear. "S-sor- I'm sorry Madoka." She tried to appease the worried yelling though her head still felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls.

When was the last time she ate?

"What happened?!"

Maybe it was the extra training?

"Oh nothing big, you know how much of a klutz that I…"

"..Mai? _Mai._ Mai, I'm going to book a ticket right now so help me God-"

Her door. Her door was open.

"Madoka-chan, please don't worry but I have to go." She whispered, not letting the woman speak as she hurriedly told her to say hi to everyone for her and slid the screen shut. After a second thought, she turned the phone off as well.

The brunette sat there for a few moments, not wanting to make a sound. Gently, she raised a hand and ran the tips of her fingers along the door knob, feeling the supernatural energy residing there. This was definitely not a normal breaking-and-entering.

Should she call the cops? Would they even be able to help in these cases?

'Well, there's no way in hell I'm going in there alone!' She gingerly used the wall to help her stand up, pocketing her phone then using the free hand to massage her throbbing temple. 'One foot in front of the other.' She coached herself to leave, but everything was getting blurry once again, the floor felt like it was ocean waves underneath her shaky feet.

Mai had never had this reaction before, not even on SPR cases- something was really wrong. Her mind screamed bloody murder to get away, but her frustration with her fumbling legs began boiling her blood, and the only thing she achieved was a flushed face.

Something pricked the skin of her neck.

Arms calmly caught her as she fell.

* * *

_Cold. Mai was so cold. _

_It reminded her of simpler times, an echo of laughter and steaming tea as she would sit beside a frosty window and watch Naru work-_

"_Taniyama-san. Don't waste our time." But Naru was gone now, wasn't he.. "Wake up." The voice wasn't Naru (although it was something he would definitely say), and her breath hitched as she tried to sift through the giant blur of what happened._

_Mai's eyes felt like swollen lead and she couldn't summon the energy to open them. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips, and wincing, tasted copper, but tried to whisper an answer to only end up painfully coughing._

_Once she started coughing her body couldn't seem to stop, her body sobbed in pain and so many things hurt all at once that her mind jumped around what injury to focus on- the white hot burning from the tops of her shoulders to the middle of her back, tearing even more as her coughing stretched the lacerated skin, her broken ribs piercing anything they touched as she jostled them, her tender hands that she could barely twitch and were obviously very severely burned-_

"_W-hat-" The brunette tried whispering unfocusedly, "How-" Her eyes were slowly fluttering open and she gradually floated a hand up to look at the cracked and bleeding skin in shock. _

_Gene said she couldn't get hurt on the astral plane! What was going on? _

_And why, __**why**__ couldn't she remember a single thing? _

'_Stay calm you moron.' The harsh breaths weren't helping her body's poor condition, but she couldn't help it when she realized the small space she was laying in was smaller than she first thought. _

_She was in a coffin._

_Mai had been buried alive. _

_She- she was in a coffin, in a grave-_

_Mai squeezed her eyes shut, holding her breath and listened to her heart pounding throughout her entire trembling body, trying to calm it down. 'Just a dream. Just a dream, just a dream.'_

"_Who are you..?" She whispered, almost mewled. She was so thirsty, and her lungs felt like they were swimming in a cloud of smoke. Her mind flew into a panic of trying to piece together what happened._

"_This is a dream you cannot wake up from, Taniyama-san. I created this one. We already explained this earlier. You must be going through a little amnesia after your last… Uncooperative move."_

_Her eyes snapped open as she finally placed the resonating voice. "Kajimaru?!"_

"_Do you know how long a human can survive without air?" _

_Mai didn't respond, grimacing as she tried to slightly twist to the side and desperately claw around the edges for a latch. 'No, stop it Mai, you're treating this like it's reality.' _

_When her lungs squeezed from the thinning air, her heart dropped to the very soles of her feet and died. This was just a dream! Why was the air thinning- how-?_

_The death grip on her lungs forced her body into more painful coughs; her aura expanded rapidly but only felt compacted dirt for miles and miles-_

_Once she felt her aura stretch too thin, like a rope snapping straight, and spots began to dance before her eyes, she felt something dark behind the panic. Something bubbling from behind her trauma, thrashed her body in pain as the dark miasma seared her stomach where it came up from._

_It grabbed onto the scenery with dark, taloned hands._

'_Taniyama, stop now! You don't know what you're-'_

_She tore the dreamscape apart._

* * *

Bloodshot eyes snapped open; Mai came to life and gasped harshly to finally breathe.

Her ceiling came into view, white paint not black, light streamed onto it from a window; but her living room was suddenly too small and felt as if it were just as suffocation and maddening as the coffin.

She didn't move from her pool of blood for hours, trying to convince herself that she really was awake. That this really was reality.

She didn't blink; scared she would find that she was lying to herself when her eyes would reopen.

**OoO**

_Tell me what you thought my little minions :) __Bon nuit for now! Any suggestions on what to do next would be very much appreciated. Can't wait until Oliver finally can enter the story! I think I'm in loooovvveeee_


	2. Fireworks

_Put some music on, relax, and here's the next chap!_

_Suggested music:__ Holding on and Letting go by Ross Copperman. _

_For those that have a favorite song to read to- tell me it! : ) Especially if it's from other parts of the world than Canada (my home)._

**o**

**What Desperation Does**

**CHAPITRE 2 **

**FIREWORKS**

**O**

The seconds ticked by.

'I'm in shock.' Mai mused distantly. Either way, she didn't want to move in the first place.

The disheveled brunette eventually was able to regulate her heartbeat to match the silent ticking from the clock on her wall. The light that had been peering in through her window had faded now.. How long had she been laying there wondering what to do next?

_Tick. Th-thump._

_Tick. Th-thump._

Mai couldn't go near a hospital, not when she didn't have enough energy to block out the visions. Logically, she knew that the walls, beds, linoleum floors and doctor coats were all white, but when Mai couldn't control the visions… They weren't.

_Th-thump._

Every single thing would be drenched in scarlet. It was like walking into hell.

She also couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that Hikaru Kajimaru was also an astral-walker! Mai didn't even know it was possible to create dreamscapes. And was it him that had broken into her house? Why was he in her head in the first place?!

..Was he the one that hurt her this badly?..Why?..

'One thing at a time.' She took her last deep breath in, through the unpleasant feeling of betrayal that she was getting familiar with, and then drew her torso up slowly. The lacerations on her back tearing open again once they ripped away from the dried blood, and she had to gingerly push her long hair over one shoulder when it clung to the sensitive skin.

Another thought hit her. 'Will he come back?' She paused for a moment with wide, horrified eyes, then immediately blocked the unhelpful contemplation and reached for a nearby desk to prop her forearm on it and help lift herse-

OW!

"AH-!" Pain, like a giant throbbing white hot bonfire was all she knew for a moment, her mind must have shut down because she forgot she had legs and ended up back on the floor. 'Damn my stupid luck.' She breathed harshly in pain, hunching over and hiding herself with the long, protective strands. She didn't realize she was crying until tears dripped onto her trembling arms.

Her arms- she couldn't barely even see her skin color- they were just a mix of blue and dark purple bruises and handprints. What in the world happened?!

Naru.. Naru would make everything better, he would smile and the pain would go, she wanted Naru-

'No. Shut _up_, Mai.' She told herself sternly and forced herself up, wrapping her arms around her ribs to hold herself together. 'You will not, under any circumstance become one of those girls that are made hollow and useless by what she can't have. You can figure this out alone, stupid.'

And very much alone, with a calming mantra of 'shut up' and 'owie', she barricaded the door and took care of her injuries by herself.

* * *

_A couple days later…._

A sigh. "Madoka."

Grumble, grumble. _Grumblegrumblegrumble._

"Madoka. You are being unbelievably noisy." Oh really? She hadn't known she was speaking her thoughts out loud.

However, the woman didn't answer as she continued pacing back and forth. Why wouldn't Mai answer her phone?

"_Madoka-chan.. please don't worry but I have to go." _Mai probably hadn't noticed how her voice trembled in fear through the whole sentence, or thought she wouldn't notice it. But she was a mother after all, and Mai was a horrible liar to begin with. _"Madoka-chan.. please-"_

"You huff like an ox when you're in thought."

Would Oliver not get the hint? She didn't want to answer; she wanted to worry in silence.

He was pissing her off, so was Lin, so was the mail man, and random birds- "DID YOU JUST COMPARE ME TO AN OX, OLIVER DAVIS."

Ayako used a loud cough to cover her snort.

"That's just how he shows his love." Takigawa deadpanned, looking pensively at a picture of John with a group of giggling African children hanging off him and wondering what to write back. "I mean, he used to call the love of his life-"

"When are you going back to Japan again?" Oliver deadpanned back.

"Oh, you guys didn't _hear_ her!" Madoka finally exploded, not one to keep a secret herself. "She was- it's like she was scared.."

A tense silence passed over the room, and Takigawa wickedly noted Oliver's hand clenching around the file he was holding, feeling very justified for his Jou-chan; but Oliver was also the first one to turn away.

"If she were in trouble, she would call us." He dismissed it unfeelingly, but the sure nature that Oliver always carried made it seem like the most obvious thing in the world, and that somehow comforted the group. He was still turned away when he hesitantly added "So don't worry so much."

Madoka softly smiled and warmly regarded the child she had watched with her husband, become such a good, strong man-

"If anything happened it would be from her own idiocy, and at least that scenario would end up with her a little smarter. So therefore both scenarios are nothing to worry about." –but they forgot to teach him tact, of course.

"Mai would say she's not idiotic but misunderstood?" Bou defended with a smile of his own while picking up an envelope for Masako's card to Japan and John's to Africa.

"Well yes, Mai would have to say that wouldn't she." He finally turned towards them, and his eyes were as tense as they always were when someone would bring Mai up in the past half-year. "Now, if you all have enough time to gossip, you all obviously don't have enough work. Let me help you with that."

* * *

"I'm such an idiot." Mai sighed sleepily, pinching her thighs with thoroughly bandaged and gloved hands to keep herself awake.

The turtleneck was itching her too, but she had to wear it to hide the evidence of a rope that had stamped an annoying decoration around her throat. "Ok, let's try this again." Today was just a bad day overall.

She threw herself back into her homework, just like she had been doing for the past couple scared-sleepless days since the… She wanted to forget about that. Until she knew all the details at least; that was why she decided..

Mai wasn't going to hide from Kajimaru; she was still going to show up at the next training session to demand him to fill in the blanks of her amnesia and pretend she wasn't terrified. THEN of course, she was going to kick his butt around for a bit.

Then, she was going to get another supernatural teacher after reporting him because _God,_ she really, very badly needed one- oh, the visions! She hadn't been able to block _anything_ since that day. Nothing.

She stopped dreaming too.

Or at least, she dreamed only of black now. Dark, coffin, pitch-black.

Whatever she used to get out of that dream- that dark form of power that ravaged her body and tore her mind to shreds until she ran on instinct, it must have traumatized her spiritually because not only have her powers run more hectic than a team of teenagers on steroids, she couldn't control any of it.

Everything Kajimaru had taught her in the past 5 months.. It was gone. She knew theoretically how to do it but her growing powers would only respond to her half the time and spent all her energy. Her gut told her to just wait for her to heal psychically and her prized control would return, but Mai has never been patient.

And besides.. She would have chosen this, or things a million times more frustrating than this, any day over dying in that coffin.

She still remembered.. Still thought about how dark it was, about how cold the wood felt as she clawed helplessly at it-

She slammed her book shut, getting up to apologetically walk around a transparent, suicidal woman's body swinging from the ceiling from her neck and crying about a failed class, only to bump into a short blonde. "Mai-chan!"

They happily hugged, as happily as Mai could with those twitching legs swinging through her friends head repeatedly and she tried to look into her friends eyes and _ignore_, ignore, **ignore it Mai!** "How are you, Usagi-chan?" Mai smiled, self-consciously touching the bit of concealer on her cheekbone to make sure it was still there to cover the faint bruise.

"ME?! Where in the world have you been this past week! I wanted to tell you about how my date with-" She giggled and blushed so prettily that Mai smiled fondly. "Well, you know who, but your phone has been off."

Her phone! Oh gosh, Madoka was going to slaughter her for not calling back! "It- It hasn't been working. Walk me to work and tell me everything quickly!" she took her blushing friend by the shoulders and directed her away from the erm, now silent woman, not noticing the next weeping student she walked through by accident as he looked at a gun pensively.

AUGH! She had to find a way to temporarily block these until her powers were under her control again. Wards maybe?

She felt bad, but the freezing shiver up her spine wasn't something she wanted to deal with either, or the looks when she accidently resorted to speaking to the illusions. She was becoming the crazy girl at school.

Mai really had to stop going to the library.

"Can you be_lieve_ that, Mai?" Usagi sighed happily to some rambling she hadn't heard. Mai, in the middle of the most stressful months of her life viewed relationships as a priority only above making sure to eat the red M&M's first, but replied out of respect for her friend.

"Are you meeting again?" Someone ran by her screaming, but Usagi didn't react so it must have been another vision. Mai shut her eyes momentarily, needing to breathe but unable to draw the suffering breath in. This was such a mess.

The corresponding killer happily passed by them a moment later with a machete in his gloved hands and licking blood off his lips as he ran- darn it she missed what Usagi said to her again.

"Um.. I know what you mean?" Mai said to appease the expectant look on the blonde's face. She felt like a weary 50 year old divorcee. Shouldn't she be excitedly gossiping like other normal 18 year olds..? Instead of watching people getting murdered?

Well, at least it would be a helpful trick if SPR grouped back together instead of fainting all over the place like she used to…

"Mai-chan." Usagi pulled Mai's fingers away from the clutch they had over her heart with such tenderness that the brunette almost cried.

She hadn't realized she had stopped in the middle of the hallway. She was so tired, work was going to be hard today because of that and she just wanted to run to her warm home that existed 15 years ago and into her mother's arms. "You're thinking about Ningo, aren't you." Usagi said completely seriously.

Ningo-? OH, she meant Naru!

Mai almost face palmed but didn't correct her. "I-I'm sorry Usagi-chan, I can't talk now because there's an errand I forgot I have to run before going to work, but I'll meet up with you for tea- no, for coffee later ok?"

She left directly after her friend agreed, to stop her from saying anything further.

Mai knew she was getting colder, pushing people away lately, ignoring her own feelings if she got too scared or lonely, but she had to. Because she couldn't afford not to or she'd unravel at the seams.

* * *

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

"Come on Madoka-chan. Pick up!" The cell was on speaker mode and propped up beside the bathroom mirror she was looking into, alternating her hair from a ponytail to a bun to see which would look better with her waitress work uniform.

"Taniyama-san, you have 5 minutes!" Her boss shouted as she hurried passed the propped open door and Mai quickly wrapped her hair into a messy ponytail in response.

_Ring. Ri-_

"You better have had your phone lost Taniyama-san, because I will not sit here and believe that it was simply laziness that had me this worried for the past half a week." Madoka didn't even bother with the greetings and Mai rushed to bring the cell phone up to her mouth, fumbling and almost dropping it in between.

"Do you know how much I love you, Madoka-sama-"

"Hmph. Ok, I forgive you." Mai blinked, wow that was easy. Then her eyes were drawn to the makeup smudging off the bruise on her cheek. She sighed and took out a small makeup package from her bag and unzipped it to look for more concealer. "-If you come visit. All this worry just made everyone realize how much we miss you, Mai-chan." She emphasized on 'everyone'.

Mai took out more heavy-duty pain relieving pills too. Under her long sleeved shirt, her torso was as bandaged as an Egyptian mummy.

"I'm still in high school. I'd have to wait for summer." Like _she had already said before._ It was her customary response, making a note to herself to later make up an excuse to tell her in the summer.

Madoka sighed wearily and Mai truly felt bad in that moment for not calling her earlier. "Just please promise me you will eventually. I want Yumi to meet his Aunt, Mai."

The brunette surprised herself with the tears that pricked her eyes at that comment. "I promise you, Madoka-chan, I will be the best Aunt I can be and spoil him so much that you'll have to force me out of England for turning your son into another brat like Naru."

Madoka's bell laugh rang through the washroom and Mai truly relaxed. "Oh, goodness. I miss you guys." She said honestly.

"Taniyama-san, you're needed on the floor!" Her shy male coworker was peering in embarrassed, obviously bullied into going to the women's washroom to look for her.

"Thank you, Koji-san." Mai smiled, packing her things away with one hand and swinging the bag over her shoulder as she spoke into the phone. "I'm sorry, I'm just so busy-"

"We trust you to take care of yourself, Mai-chan. Just please, if you ever need help don't be shy to call us." The tone was so motherly, Mai felt lost and like she was doing everything wrong for a second.

No. She couldn't get them involved until she knew what she was even up against. And- and she couldn't afford England anyways. And she didn't want to make Oliver uncomfortable.

"I..Th-thanks." She reigned the emotions in as this was neither the time nor place for them, and feeling this longing wasn't going to do anything beneficial for her anyways. She had to be strong. "Same to all of you, and please pass on another hello to everyone and a kiss to Yumi."

"I will, sweetheart! Ja ne! And tell me who _Koji-san_ is later!"

The phone's screen went black but she stared at it for a moment longer, feeling like she was in the wrong part of the world.

She shook her head from the silly (stupid, she bit vindictively) thoughts. She wasn't wanted anywhere else in the world but on the floor of this restaurant right now.

Anywhere else, and she would be disrupting other people's lives to make them take care of her.

* * *

The vomit.. She shuddered- it was- oh god- she could still smell it.

That must have been the worst shift in the history of all waitress shifts, since she was sure other waitresses didn't see the dead.

Not to mention being the only person clumsy enough to fall _up_ the stairs, got traumatized by a stripper there for a bachelorette party, had a boot stolen-who would steal only one boot- and now walking in the frost in work flats, had to work around a vision of dead brawlers without looking like anything was different, fall up the stairs again, got groped by some drunks who thought it would be fun to sexually harass the crippled girl, got almost fired for threatening them and their entire families- and finally, for the grand finale to a truly bad day- stepped in vomit on the way out.

She shut her apartment door, quickly shoving the desk in its way to barricade it again, and then exhaustedly slumped onto the ground like a broken ragdoll.

She studied the pattern on her floor tiles with a fingertip, admitting that she wasn't as strong as she was trying to force herself to be, and had just maybe gotten a little more traumatized then she thought she had by Kajimaru; she couldn't stop flinching away from anyone reaching for her.

But- but at least her control was coming back- the visions were now blocked again and her living room was silent.

That didn't change that Mai _was_ going to the training session tomorrow though.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out- Breathe out damn it-_

Her chocolate eyes snapped unseeingly open, something about this seemed familiar- this was something she had done before-

_-"I'm disappointed, Taniyama-san." Whoever spoke was playing with the chair she was standing on tip-toes. Whimpering she tried to adjust her balance on it to stop the rope from digging in her throat further. "I'm just asking for you to answer this one question." _

_He tipped the chair backwards imperceptibly, just until her toes fumbled but didn't tip it, and she breathed in deeply- breathed in knowing it might be her last so she wouldn't let it out-_

Air finally came out of her lungs in a shaky and nervous rush, terrified, but she ignored that. She had to ignore it.

In quiet shock, slowly and gently, she stood up, brushed her teeth and washed her face without looking at the mirror, turned on every light in the entire apartment, and gathered her covers to sleep in a huddled ball under her bed. She dreamt of black again.

* * *

"Ah!~ What a beautiful day!" A shower had done wonders for her this morning, but then again, so had pretending that she was a different person altogether with another life. "Oyaho, bird-san!" The brunette giggled at the screaming, ear-piercing crow.

Reveling in the sun for another minute, she steadily watched the swaying trees before shutting the window behind her and grabbing the keys off the counter on her way out. She had a lot to do today.

'I am a warrior goddess.' The scenery was a blur until the front gates of the tall building were looming in front of her. 'I am a- a weight lifter and have muscles that can crush a boulder.' Mai opened it with a wavering sigh. 'I am going to get answers from Kajimaru and I won't be scared of him anymore. This will be over before I know it.'

"Taniyama-san." The receptionist at the desk was looked directly at her, though Mai knew she was blind. "Congratulations on passing your field exam." The pretty woman smiled kindly.

She blinked, "Ohayo, Tsubaki-san! My wha-?"

"The commander is expecting you." She got up to walk around the desk and walked off- it took Mai a moment to realize she was supposed to fallow her and quickened to catch up, feeling sheepish.

'Good, then I will ask him for another teacher now.' She snuck a peak at the blanked-expression woman beside her. From what Mai remembered the woman can 'see' any part of a person's past by touching their skin.

"Do you have a question, Taniyama-san?" Tsubaki's humored voice made Mai straighten in surprise and she felt guilty for staring, but didn't really wonder how a blind woman could 'see' her. She just learned to accept everything she saw here after a while.

"Ah, gomen nasai… But what field test where you speaking of earlier?" She fallowed her into a room and sat on the dentist-like chair the receptionist motioned to.

"The astral-walking test." The dream..? It w as a test?! That torture was a _test?_

Taking her wide-eyed silence as acceptance the receptionist turned to rummage in a drawer and handed her perfectly folded white scrubs.

"Arigato! But may I ask what this is for?" She tried to tug the outfit out of the woman's hands but realized the girl wasn't letting go. "Um, Tsubaki-san.." She looked up to see the thoroughly shocked expression then back down to see their fingers brushing and let go cautiously.

"Taniyama-san. Please tell me the truth- how did you get out of the dream?"

She averted her eyes and hesitated at the memory. "I don't really know…" –how do you explain those dark talons that where hers but weren't- "It felt like I imagined myself looking at everything from a third point of view, then I kind of just.. Ripped it apart."

Tsubaki stared at her for a long moment. "Don't hold back details please, Taniyama-san. You didn't look as if you knew what was happening."

"I…" Tsubaki was a very blunt woman, but she was right. "At that moment.. The power I used didn't feel um.. Pure. It felt dark and sort of had a mind of its own. It- it really hurt."

Tsubaki abruptly left, mumbling something about how the commander really needed to come.

Mai sat still with a pounding heart before getting up to quickly change into the plain, white scrubs.

Nothing else to do but wait and not wanting her mind to race in nervousness, she busied herself with folding her sweater and fall tights, wringing her hands together, counted the tiles on the ceiling-

The door opened.

Mai wondered what she had done to achieve such an intense look from the man who walked in. Even his two body guards were looking at her with astonishment.

Her animal instinct reared its head and she tried to hide her need to fidget and squirm.

"Congratulations on passing your field exam, Taniyama-san." The man finally said, choosing each word carefully and stroking a small goatee. "You are now an agent, but it seems you are a special case."

The feeling intensified to the point it was suffocating- never mind another teacher she'd ask Madoka to get her another one instead- never mind what Kajimaru did, she didn't care and did not want to know- she was stupid for ever coming back-

"I never had the intention of joining." It seemed like it was the wrong thing to say, but Mai steeled herself. "I just needed help to.. to control everything.."

He blinked languidly, then coming to a decision, waved his hand as if he hadn't heard a word she just said. "Strap her down."

"No-!" Someone caught her around the waist when she tried to run and slammed her back onto the seat which swung back and allowed them to force her thrashing, throbbing body to lie down as they held her arms and buckled the straps attached to the chair. "Let me go!"

She could see Tsubaki sympathetically looking in then closing the door behind her as she left. The click of the lock rang through the room and she thrashed even harder watching her only way to leave blocked.

"Son of a-!" The first bodyguard swore and drew back as she bit him and the second dug his hand into her hair to pull hard and motion her wincing face towards the smirking captain.

"Hikaru always did have problems with your feisty attitude." He chuckled, tracing her bandaged arm up to her finger tips where he began unraveling them. "Seems like he did a number on you." He said dispassionately, as if he saw it happen every day.

Mai stayed silent, letting her best glare speak for itself.

"You do understand that you don't have a choice in the matter. The moment you came here, you belonged to me. We have destroyed lives before to make sure we get what we want, take that as a warning." He cut the bandage off at her elbow and rose smugly. "You are nothing but an ant beneath my boot."

The brunette couldn't help her temper. "You sick, conceited, delusional _bastard_-"

The first bodyguard beat her across the face, adding to her bruises and whipping her head so violently to the side the chair moved. She had to stay still for a dizzying moment where she didn't know left from right.

She grit her teeth. "And what exactly do agents do?"

"Anything. I. Want."

"And if I won't?" She finally found the energy to turn groggily turn back to him, but her eyes kept shifting in and out of focus.

He simply stuck a rather large needle into her arm, and her reality darkened into the black she was dreaming of lately.

* * *

The next moments were just blur after blur. Most of it was black. The beeping of her heart on a monitor was the only constant thing.

Sometimes she saw a violet-blue haze of eyes leaning above her. When that happened the only comfort was in pretending they were the same as Oliver's dark blue eyes, as glimmering and deep as the ocean, and she would lean into the hand caressing her face so wonderingly at that moment.

But when he whispered her name it was Hikaru's voice that came out and she would scream, scream for all she was worth until her vocal cords ripped and bled, without her mouth ever once opening.

Other times, she would come out of the black dream to find she was being injected again, and then she would faintly hear people discussing her body's reaction to whatever it was. If her body thrashed, or felt pain, she really didn't know. She couldn't feel anything, and that at least, she was grateful for.

She was so scared.

Asleep, but not relaxing for a moment.

She truly wanted Naru, and this time she didn't bother shoving the thought away. It was the only thing keeping her fractured, terrified mind together.

Would they hurt him if she didn't cooperate? No, no, she hadn't even uttered his name in the past 5 months. Her family was safe, thank Kami-sama they were away from her; someone who was too trusting and attracted bad things that affected everyone and forced them to look out for her as if she were some useless child.

Injection after injection pricked her skin, and she finally fell into black for a very long time.

* * *

"Rehabilitation commencing. October 20th, 0500 am." 20th?! But that was 2 weeks after the date she remembered-! "Stage 65 complete. Set up injection for the next trial."

The robotic voice of a doctor was the clearest that she had heard in a while and Mai found herself gradually becoming more and more aware- so she was fully aware of the thick needle that forced its way into the soft flesh of her stomach and stole her breath with-

With_ **Pain-**_

-She couldn't- _breathe-_

Ice spread from the injection and took over her entire thrashing body.

This time the scream that she had screamed in her mind came out with a vengeance and she was sure it was loud enough to ring across all of Japan, her throat bled yet she screamed even harder than the moment before.

She felt as if she were back in the coffin- her body felt as if it were tearing in every direction, but instead of the talon arms just leaving her body, the miasma completely covered her this time, scorching every part it crept over.

Could they not see the shadow passing over the room?! Why were they just staring-?!

Another terrible scream broke out, her eyes unfocused but seeing all the evil everyone else in the room was ignoring.

"She is not reacting correctly." The robotic voice spoke again, a little more tense this time. "Call the commander in. Now!" Rushed footsteps.

Placing his notes down, the doctor watched as his subject deflated to the point where it seemed all life left her.

Then her eyes snapped open, pitch black with no white, and not at all human. She just stared up at the ceiling. He reached out a hand in curiosity to take her vitals, or stroke his subject's suddenly incredibly alluring lips-

"Don't!" The same tall, goateed man that started this all lumbered in; but Mai felt deathly calm. She did; however, watch him with loathing when he looked at her like he was about to play with a favorite new toy. "She's dangerous and unstable right now. Go call our president first!"

Mai ignored the man, looking off into the ceiling and tried to summon any feeling- hate, worry, panic.. Whatever they injected her with, she could barely hold on to what her name was.

"You are so beautiful." There was a disgusting, breathless whisper beside her, why had she thought he was so threatening before? "You will be the perfect weapon. And you are mine."

Something was trying to tell her to relax, to just listen, but at the same time something stronger was screaming at her to get away, that this was very, very wrong-

-But then again she hadn't realized how much pressure had been on her shoulders and mind since SPR broke up until it was gone. This empty void was better and she promised she would only relax for a moment before escaping and going back to reality- what was so important that she had to leave right this second anyway?

"Who is Naru, by the way?" Her black, alien eyes snapped to him. "Or Ayako? Madoka? That baby that kept flashing through your mind? Do they ring a bell." His eyes left hers to roam over her body, becoming excited once more. "You wanted a reason why you should work for us? Use them as one. We have tracers and mind readers- we'll fallow you until the end of the earth if we have to."

Why was he telling her this? She could barely remember her own name, much less random people. She just couldn't figure out why something in her chest was beating faster.

"Beautiful." He leaned closer, his fingers accidently brushed her arm and she saw- she saw everything he wanted her to do in that one second though she hadn't had that ability before-

"Get away from me." Her voice shuddered rashly. "I-I see you for what you are-"She choked in between memories. "I will never help you!"

His face shut down so fast, and her heart raced even faster; would he hold out on his threat? Would he kill them-?

The man smiled and she knew he had read her mind. His eyes were as empty as Hikaru's. She was so stupid to ever have been lead around by these people. This was all her fault. "No Mai love, we would torture them first." The brunette's body shook and his smile slowly slipped off as the heart monitor sky rocketed, then the power gauge, and the air pressure gauge of the room-

Her-

Mind-

Shattered.

_**BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!**_

The dark, talon arms she found, were controllable, her panic thrashed them onto everything she could reach and had the building falling around her.

She remembered everything- regaining it had made it all the more precious and she was crying silent tears as she phased through the straps and walked bare-footed to the struggling man half-propped up on the floor.

'Kill him.' Something whispered, and she clutched her head, choosing to run passed him instead, and passed the heavy door that exploded off its hinges. She wanted to feel her hand around his beating heart-

"Shut up!"

As she ran, the building exploded around her but she was present enough to only thoroughly destroy the workplace of this sickening company that kept her as a pin cushion, to stop them from doing it to others. However, she would never bring it completely down, too many people would die, and no matter who they were she could never do that.

'Wait! He said something about tracing me!' She backpedalled to Tsubaki's desk, and in the disordered mess of people running everywhere in the confusion, no one noticed her rummaging around the desk to finally come across her file.

She grabbed it, then, pausing to read a list of names that had her own at the bottom, she grabbed it too and Tsubaki's sweater and ran with her heart committing suicide in her throat.

The piercing alarm rang throughout the building, the room continuously flashed red over and over, and the hue rushing over her pale, bruised, trembling arms made everything all the more serious.

The alarm said they were coming for her- just like he promised.

The entire front foyer exploded after she fled- she honestly hoped she hadn't injured too many people, but her heart was just pounding so hard it was impossible to think straight, she functioned on instinct again shoving her way to the door and towards sunrays she hadn't seen in the two weeks when pitch-black was all she knew.

People were already pilling outside, watching parts of their building collapsing on itself in shock; but Mai didn't look back once.

The brunette hid her face with the long, disheveled strands of hair and kept her eyes to the floor as she squeezed through the crowd, slipping the sweater on and lifted the hood, clutching the files in a death grip until her knuckles turned white enough to tear through the skin.

Mai felt like her lungs were in the same vice-like grip.

The demolished building lay behind her, and it started a race to get to her apartment, pack her things, and leave.

* * *

By the time Mai slammed the door open and fumbled into her home, not bothering to close it this time, her bare feet were cut up enough to leave small bloody prints, and she hurriedly threw on socks without caring. She could deal with it later.

_Ring. _

Mai ignored it, running around the room in a flash of flitting chocolate hair strands. Everything in her desk was emptied into a duffle bag although it wasn't much; just a passport, midterm report card, wallet and photos, along with about half of her clothes, food and a couple water bottles.

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

She ignored it.

'Faster! Go faster, Mai!' Her heart couldn't stop racing, paying more attention to her gut just made it worse- the instinct in her grew until it was suffocating. They were coming for her, they would put her back in that room and they would never let her go-

_Ring. Ring._

"Oh my gosh!" She exasperatedly exclaimed, viciously wiped the tears off her face and reaching for the phone where Madoka's number flashed. She calmed down for a moment wondering what she would even say if she answered.

Without a second thought, she slid the screen open. "Moshi, moshi!" She greeted, turning to dart to every room and do a last check on anything important she might have missed.

"Mai-chan! How are you? It's been a while!" Really? Because it felt like she just spoke to her yesterday on the phone. That coma they put her in really screwed up her internal clock.

"Oh, I'm.."-A horrible, screwed up mess-"..Fine.." She finished vaguely, her voice still too soft from the disuse in the past weeks, yanking everything off her body except for the socks and leaving a trail of clothes behind her as she hurried into her bedroom.

'Sound casual damn it-' She licked her lips to try again. "What are you guys up to?"

"First off, everyone that was on SPR, save for you and Masako are here in the van with me!" Her heart squeezed in longing; she knew Madoka wasn't telling her this to dangle it in front of her face but… "We're going on a new case and missed you- what are you up to, Mai-chan?"

She barely heard the sentence, and since she was so distracted couldn't think of anything other than the direct truth. "I'm walking around naked."

She heard Madoka's choked laughter. "Young lady, you're on speaker!" Bou-san input loudly but it was lost in a mix of laughter from others- Ayako maybe? Yasuhara? Oh lord. She still had enough sanity in her to turn red to the tips of her toes.

"Well then, I should probably tell you I lied," She lied. Finally just going with the warmest outfit left over in her closet and throwing it on her bed, along with clean underwear she put on first.

"Is there a guy at your place Mai? Is that why you're-"

"Yasuhara, I really do miss you. Don't make me hate you now." Mai said threateningly. Pants went on along with a long-sleeved turtle neck and hooded, white sweater. "Wait- did you say everyone is there?" She suddenly felt as small as an ant-

Although, she had to remind herself it was the least of her worries and ran into the washroom as Madoka filled her in on the new case they were travelling to. She barely listened of course, especially when she caught her reflection in the mirror.

"What.. _What did they do to me_…?" She barely whispered, reaching a hand up and watching the woman reach to her as well and look back at her with pitch black monstrosities. She was so pale she could see the veins running through her temples. She was _so pale_, it made her eyelashes look like dark butterfly wings fluttering on her face as she blinked rapidly to expel the tears.

"Can you.. repeat that Mai?"

Oh &^%$#, she had forgotten they were on the phone, but at this point her throat was closing up.

"Oh gomen! Please continue! Sorry, I was telling something important to my... My study partner." Where were the scissors? She collapsed on her knees and opened all the drawers and made a pile of bandages, first aid material and tissues. Ah, scissors! There they were.

"Didn't you just say you were naked, Jou-chan?!" She rolled her eyes at the possessive tone and stood up with the scissors clutched in her hand.

"I also said I was joking around about that." She tried to pass off a girlish giggle when it felt like a fuzzy animal had curled up and died in her throat.

Madoka continued on after Ayako soundly slapped Takigawa and told him to stop harassing her. Mai propped the phone up against the mirror to listen to them on speaker while she grabbed her hair that Hikaru had always seen long and breathed in, squeezing her eyes shut and-

Snip. Snip. Snip.

It was done that easily, and she uncurled her fingers to watch the dirty, chocolate-colored hair fall all around her with a sad sigh. Well, it would grow back. And the Masako-style bob was actually pretty cute.

Leaving the always excitedly chattering Madoka, she bundled the pile of first-aid material in her arms then carefully rushed to the next room to drop it all into her bulging muffle bag and zip it shut.

Mai almost flew back to the washroom as she swung her coat over her shoulders, grabbed the phone, her bag and dashed out the door, locking it behind her firmly. 'Goodbye, home.'

As soon as it clicked, the sound echoed for a time-stopping moment and she knew- she just knew- she had taken too long.

"-And I forgot to mention- Mai, the case will be in a _castle_! It's Japanese styled!" She heard jumbles of 'Ah, the good old days at SPR.' in the background, and a discussion involving her clumsy-ness, but the phone wasn't as clear as before. Or maybe it was her since her brain was more muddled than ever.

'What do I do, what do I do?!'

"Your cases sound more fun than my study party! I can't wait to graduate and visit! I miss you all so much." Is that how happy and exuberant was done? Looking up and down the hall, she clutched her bag with trembling fingers. "I'm just- I'm just so happy for you guys-"

She was starting to panic, her words clumsy and wavering like her legs as she chose to run to the left as five strong auras at the bottom level took the stairs at the right side of the building.

"Mai? Are you alright, honey?" Ayako's voice came.

_No_, she was falling apart.

"Madoka, Ayako, I have to go, I'm so sorry- I have to run to class now- I'll call you tonight though, I promise." She said through soft sobs, not knowing if she just lied or not, unsure if she'd truly be able to get away. She was sure all the uncontrollable tears lately were a sign of a nervous breakdown- great, now she was crazy too. "I promise I will, just please stay safe." She hoped to God they knew how much she loved them, as those were her last words.

Madoka looked down at the phone that went dead in her hands and didn't look up at anyone else or even smile as she addressed the rest of the ghost hunters. "Do you hear what I mean now?" She said softly breaking the silence.

"Does anyone have Masako's number?" John said tensely. "You said she's still in Japan, correct?"

"I do." Oliver finally spoke, getting his phone out immediately.

* * *

Mai's heart. It was too fast.

Was this how heart attacks felt like? Didn't she have enough to worry about?

_Ba-bum, ba-bump-_

Each step was too slow and she urged herself faster- faster-

Perhaps also still under the affects of the drug- or whatever they injected her with, the same sly, slithering part of her whispered calmly and emotionlessly about everything to do with blood and nothing to do with humanity.

But even that voice went silent when she reached her objective only to find a couple dark vans parked haphazardly outside. With her powers on super drive and so sensitive in her panic, the psychic power she felt from them slammed into her rather than just simply sensing it, but either way she knew they were meant for her.

She ducked out of view, cradling her face in trembling hands and tried to think. She needed… A distraction.

Something flashy yet harmless. The idea she had would get all the psychic tracers off her back too.

Sending an ashamed apology to her landlord, her body snapped upright, as did the dark, destructive extensions of her mind.

Her pitch-black eyes shook, veins straining around them as they concentrated intensely on the ceiling around where her apartment should be-

_**BBBOOOOOOMMMM!**_

She lost her balance and collided against the wall as the floor rumbled. 'Ok, so maybe I overdid it.'

With a grimace she watched vine patterns crack a path loudly into the glass doors, and the alarm finally started just as the five auras heading upstairs began rushing down along with her neighbors.

She had to leave, now.

Blending in with a family running out, she slipped her hood on, squeezed past another astonished, loud crowd gathering around the building to gape at the scorching, obliterated hole burnt into it that used to be her home.

'I really hope I didn't forget anything..' She thought distantly, becoming part of the crowd for a second, self-consciously tugging the hood lower to shadow the top half of her grim face.

A couple gaping school girls beside her whipped out high tech phones and proceeded to snap pictures and she almost face palmed. Aren't they supposed to be running? 'People are so weird.'

The brunette shrugged, calming down with every step she took further away from that mess as she slipped into an alleyway.

Without stopping for anything she took a maze of busses plus a ferry to the other end of Japan where she would stay until she knew what to do.

Shibetsu, Hokkaido.

'Here I come.' She sighed impassively, barely believing this was happening at all. Oh well, she always wanted to see Japan's other island…

* * *

That night, as she drew shut all the curtains in a hotel room finally in Hokkaido and after a short overly happy conversation with Madoka to calm any worries she may have idiotically sprouted; Mai took a long look at her new high school papers and the name slot.

For now, she couldn't go by Mai Taniyama..

She finally grabbed the pen and registered under the name 'Usagi' to somehow apologize to her friend.

Mai will graduate this year damn it, even if it needed Herculean effort to do so. She would not let this affect her life and she would continue to push herself under the inspiration that her idol gave her.

Her idol being Oliver Davis, of course.

Fanning the embarrassed blush, she left the scattered items to have a very thorough shower and was relieved to meet warm chocolate orbs starring back at her in the mirror when she walked in. The injection must have worn off? Was that even from the injection?

'Not now.' She sighed, lowering her lashes and gently quieting the many questions. She was too tired for that right now.

At least she'd be able to blend into the crowd of high school-ers now! Be positive, Mai! Maybe she'd try out for cheerleading, be a normal teenager for once.

Absently, as she as she slipped out of her layers of clothes, she stretched her arm carelessly behind her to hang the sweater on the bathrooms hanger which she just couldn't seem to find-

She gawked at her poised arm as if she had turned to find a leprechaun dancing on it- or at least half of it, since the other half had phased through the wall and she hadn't even realized she had done it.

Ok… Or maybe instead of the cheerleader, she would be the secretive, crazy- cat-lady in the back corner of the classroom until she could control this… That way, hopefully, no one would notice if she slipped up…

**OoO**

_The reviews were all so sweet! I was positively glowing when I read them; you are all just so kind! ;_; Thank you. Very much. I expected 1 at the most lol. I hope whoever's clicking into here enjoyed this, because it was so fun to write._

_Since the moment I began thinking of creating this I had been dying to write the scene where she was rushing to pack all her belongings and get the hell out of there; poor Mai. I so ever do love torturing her!_


	3. Normal is Harder Than it Looks

_Lately obsessed with watching Ghost Hunt. I can't believe how good looking Naru is (!) and that might have bled into my work a little this chap…_

**o**

**What Desperation Does**

**CHAPITRE 3**

**NORMAL IS HARDER THAN IT LOOKS**

**O**

"_Still on breaking news Japan, the investigation of the possible terrorist attack or a horrible prank gone wrong 2 days ago in Shibuya, Tokyo is turning up no bodies or clues…"_

"Bla bla bla." The brunette sighed, running fingers through the soft mess of hair. "Can you please just get over it?"

The more they replayed it, the higher the chances someone she knew would recognize it as her place then go snoop around. She didn't want that, and she was sure the agency didn't want that either; the only difference between her and them is that if they didn't like someone, she was sure that someone would just.. disappear.

"_One of the investigators is here with us today to discuss what they do know; thank you Jeremy-san for your time!"_

Mai's eyes widened until they took up half her face and she crawled on all fours away from her pile of newly bought apartment necessities, until her face was an inch away from the TV screen. That-! That guy-!

Just how far did the agency reach?! She_ knew_ him; Hikaru used to work with him sometimes to search for more people in Japan who were psychics budding as oddly as she was. Hikaru said it was to help them..

"_Why, you're welcome my dear."_ 'Jeremy-san' thanked the broadcaster's breasts. _"We have reason to believe it was a.. prank as you said earlier, but we are working around the clock to find the person who was living there."_ He almost seemed to look straight out of the TV and straight at her.

Mai leaned back to snatch the paper she had stolen off of Tsubaki's desk and peered at the list of names on it. Some were crossed off with red and had a small note why;

Hana Yoruu; September, 2005- cardiac arrest; anaphylaxis to the sedative-

Yuki Tsukino; March, 1990- shipped to main building, body couldn't stand the higher doses of Drug #301-

Midori Kei; February, 1998- rebelled and killed in persuit-

On and on, until she reached her name at the bottom. This was obviously too huge to handle alone, but who could she ask for help when they even had people hidden in the police?

Why was she surprised that Hikaru lied, after everything? It had been so easy to string her along.

Mai sighed, feeling sick. She shut off the TV and sat in the silence, feeling stupid. So foolish. No wonder why Oliver hadn't loved her.

* * *

Masako looked at the other woman, not hiding her annoyance as much as she would have liked. "I apologize Mizu-san, but it is impossible for you to come and demand this so abruptly and assume I would do as you say immediately; I am simply too busy." She had to hide her cocky smirk behind a sleeve; it wouldn't do well for a lone paparazzi mosquito to catch THE Masako Hara punching someone in the face.

People forgot she was a teenager sometimes. And a very cocky one at that. Plus she hated this woman.

"Oui, je comprends Hara-_chan_. If you do not feel confident in taking this case then simply say so ma _poor _cherie." Although Mizu-san was partly French, she was also wearing a kimono.

Sleeves were pulled up. "Iie, I just have more important things to do, Mizu-san." The other women grit her teeth before also lifting her sleeve to cover the expression.

They stood for a tense moment, smiling sweetly to each other through their eyes, but covering snarling mouths with sleeves.

They were reluctant business partners, though Masako hated her lusciously wavy French hair, her little French umbrella that she took everywhere, the pretty kimono's that were supposed to be Masako's trademark, the fact that they were both mediums and how she only chose cases that would make them famous as opposed to actually help anyone-

_Ring._

They both jumped slightly in surprise, and Masako almost sighed happily. Oliver's name was flashing on the screen.

_Ring._

This time she didn't bother hiding the smirk. "Excuse me, but very important business calls. I'll be busy for the rest of the day, goodbye Mizu-san."

"Hmph. Oui, je vois."

Pushing through the doors to the dressing rooms, she took a quick look around to make sure it was empty before smugly flipping opening her phone. Even though he didn't keep in touch like the rest of SPR's members, she knew he would come around.

"Konbanwa, Oliver-kun."

"Hara-san." She almost sighed in frustration at that. "Do you have a free moment today or tomorrow?"

"Hai. I finished early today." She clutched harder at her sleeve. Was he going to ask her to come to England? Or better yet, was he in Japan to ask her on a date? Or even better, proposing this very minute and not wanting to wait for the wedding so planning it for tomorrow-?

"Go check on Mai then call me back."

She straightened in jealousy. "..Hai, Oliver-kun."

_Click._

She sighed. Though there was raging jealousy, she was worried for Mai. Simply put, it was impossible to dislike the girl.

So.. She sent her limo driver to do it for her. The nerve of Oliver; did he honestly expect her to do such menial tasks?

Half an hour later, she received the awaited call from her limo driver as she was going over new possible show ideas that her manager sent her.

"Moshi, moshi."

"Hai, Hara-san. I did as you asked; the girl doesn't live there any longer. There is another family that moved in about 5 months ago and say they don't know where she might have gone."

Masako said nothing; Oliver wasn't going to like this and Masako didn't have Mai's number either. As she opened her mouth to reply, the phone flooded with the siren of a fire truck and she had to pull away.

"G-gomen, Hara-san, there seems to have been a fire or explosion a couple blocks away in another building. The traffic is packed; I think I will be late getting back."

"That's fine. Thank you for your work."

Hm. There was a case in England... She supposed she could mention it to Mai when she found her.

* * *

'What is wrong with me?!' Mai couldn't stop flinching and jumping at every sound and movement, though she knew that she would be safe all the way out in Hokkaido. Right?

Right…?!

Augh, she was doing it again.

Making her way past the cheerleaders screaming on a soccer game on the high school field, her fingers itched to pull her hood up, but she didn't in defiance.

'There is no reason to act this way and draw attention to yourself you idiot!' She gripped the backpack strap harder until her knuckles went white. Though she had been attending this school for two weeks now, she was always scared.

Scared for so many reasons.. And though school was very important to her, it was becoming a real chore. The brunette sighed as she came to stop at a picnic table under a tree and dug out her lunch.

"KONICHIWA-!"

"KYAAA!"

Her lunch went flying and she found herself latching onto the tree with her eyes squeezed shut and a pounding heart. At the sound of quiet snickering she peaked an eye open to find the young, foreign teachers assistant who was in her gym and math classes.

"Mou! You shouldn't sneak up on a girl like that!" She glared, a hand on her racing heart, her stomach growling silently at the sight of her upturned lunch.

"I'm-"He was still laughing, and for some reason laughed harder as she tried to glare more angrily. Did no one take her seriously? Bou-san used to do the same thing! "G-gomen nasai! Is that how they greet people in Tokyo?"

She lowered her lashes, "H-how do you know I'm from Tokyo.."

"Everyone knows everyone here, the schools pretty small." But still. She hadn't told anyone..

The brunette brushed it off. A teacher probably mentioned it to someone.

"Well, it's nice to meet you…" She began, already inching towards her bag.

"Kosuke Rin." The other brunette grinned, and she blinked. Why was he looking at her like that? It made her feel very violated.

"Yes, Rin-senpai, thank you for-" She stopped. For what? This jerk wasted her lunch! She really had to stop being so nice. "I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Wait! Would you like to go watch the soccer game? They're very big here, I- I can take you there? And buy the new girl another lunch?"

Mai softened, seeing the genuine look in his eyes.. And wished she could make friends but knew it was better not to, no matter how badly she wanted to.

"Gomen nasai, Rin-senpai. That is very kind of you but I really am busy, you see I already promised someone that I would meet them for a class project." She smiled and tried not to look absolutely miserable. "Maybe next time ok?"

Kosuke looked at her smile for a few moments then, for a reason unknown to her turned red.

Stopping herself from kindly asking if he was alright since he obviously had a fever, she simply steeled herself and left. She couldn't make friends.

She couldn't. Not now, not when she could actually endanger them.

The brunette flinched away from a couple other students passing her in the opposite direction as they accidently brushed, and pushed the door open more forceful then necessary in anger at her continued fearful reaction. Frustrated, she pushed it out of her mind and chose to ignore it for now.

'OK! I can do this!' The brunette pumped herself up, stopping to take out a rather large textbook from her backpack titled _'Onmyouji Defensive Moves and Sensing Blocks'_.

Mai wasn't going to sit in her new (shady) apartment scared stiff, and she had been taught enough by Hikaru to understand how to correctly teach herself with books.

Hugging the book to her chest, she looked around the hallways; Kosuke must have told the truth about the high schools soccer games because the halls were completely empty. Shrugging, she walked up to a locked door and completely phased through it. An abandoned classroom greeted her.

There were some scribbles on the walls, no chairs, and the small couch and teacher's desk – the only desk- both looked too old to be standing, but it was hers, and it made her a little happier.

Dropping her coat and bag on the desk, she made her way to open the windows and check the flowers that she had put on the window sill the other day during another practice session.

This room was her hope. It said that Mai Taniyama was never going to be taken advantage of ever again.

oOo

Naru, Naru, Naru, Naru.

Mai sighed, giving herself reason to pull up her aching cheeks into another smile. Naru was so good looking.

The smile was accompanied with a blush this time. "Welcome to Sakura's Restaurant!" She had to ask him a question about something she had read in the Onmyouji book, but couldn't bring herself to. She didn't know what was worse, being confused or being annoying and calling Naru.

"Stop thinking about your boyfriend and go on break." Her boss- an old woman hobbled in and took over her customer, ushering the waitress to the back since she was obviously distracted. Her coworkers giggled and she couldn't help shyly joining them.

Still, she couldn't help it. Thinking about Naru was a fun pastime, one that helped get through her energetic work and one that he would never know about anyways…

Naru in a cat suit, Naru glaring through ridiculously thick eyelashes, Naru taking off the cat suit…

Mai almost hit her head as her hand went through the counter. She pulled it out as if she had caught on fire and quickly looked around to see if anyone noticed, ignoring the racing heart.

"So, Usagi-san was it?" A coworker joined her, placing a tray down and sitting beside her for a quick break. "Where did you move from?" She shorter brunette friendly tilted her head and smiled.

"Um..." Can't tell you- "Not too far.." She nervously studied her still bandaged and gloved fingers.

"Why did you move?"

"...Felt like I had to." She gave a twitchy smile that looked more like a grimance.

...And thus, began a very awkeard conversation in which Mai attempted to answer every question, yet not actually tell anything about herself.

oOoOo Couple days later oOoOo

Mai tried, she really tried paying attention to the teacher but she couldn't help uncomfortably fidgeting.

Kosuke was staring at her again. Maybe he was studying her work ethic? He was both an assistant to her gym and math teacher, so it was possible. Mai pensively nodded to herself; it did make sense. In that case she should really start paying attention. Maybe he was already grading her?

It wasn't hard to focus on the professor of the class though. Although it was something as boring as math, he would excitedly pace around and with a flushed face would almost shout the lecture out.

She ducked her chin and giggled quietly. Still, something was bothering her so she slowly, casually slipped her phone from her skirt pocket. The page she was studying on her lunch breaks wasn't working no matter how she molded her aura and she needed the advice from a real Onmyouji expert. But she didn't have Lin's number.

After a solid 20 minutes of class time spent battling with herself and not wanting to bother Oliver, she breathed out, shut her eyes gently and pressed the send button, blushing helplessly.

Mai was rejected by him, yes; and because she was Mai and Naru was.. Naru, there was no way she was going to ever be good enough for him, that she also admitted; however, that didn't mean she couldn't be his friend. It also didn't stop her from wishing to see him happy.. Smiling, not wearing black.. With a wife and happy family of his own. He was such a good person; Oliver deserved his happiness after everything he'd been through and done to help others.

She didn't contact him personally too much anyways to avoid annoying him, just when she needed help with something particularly tricky.

Her phone beeped and she scrambled to muffle it into her skirt. With her heart skipping a beat she turned the phone on vibrate and clicked into the message.

_I'm sorry; you must have the wrong number. My name is not Naru._

She rolled her eyes in contentment. Oh Naru.

_Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't aware you changed your name._

Kosuke was 'studying her work ethic' again, so she had to fight to keep the smile off her face.

_What is it you need, Mai._

_Is Lin nearby you? Or do you have his number? I need some advice. _

She hesitated before adding_ 'What's new?' _then rewording it several times, finally ending with a formal_ 'How are you?' _Sometimes it was annoying being a girl.

_He's not here, but I can help I am his student after all. I actually paid attention in class. Let me guess, you're in math right now aren't you. Everyone's fine._

She smiled weakly, he knew her too well.

_I'm so glad Naru-chan! I need some help to understand the Kansai Onmyouji move, I've been reading about it and was just curious…_

_I'll send you an email. Call us when you get out of school._

"Sumimasen?" Stuck in her own world, she didn't flinch away from the hand reaching out to her, Kosuke grabbed her arm and though her injuries had been healing the pain was almost crippling and she dropped the phone biting her lip to muffle the whimper.

Some of the students around her turned to look in worry while the teacher's assistant fretted over her. "Gomen Usagi-san! Gomen! Are you hurt?!"

"I-" She had to bite her lip as he grabbed her upper arm once, and he watched as her eyes suddenly widened unseeingly. "Let.. Let go of me, Kajimaru."

"Usagi-san?" He kneeled in front of her and shook her by the arms, though she remained looking past him. "What's wrong? Daijobou desu ka? I'm Rin-senpai, remember?" He glanced behind him, but there were only the same students he'd known packing their things away.

"Are you alright, Usagi-san?" The girl who sat beside Mai intoned worriedly and gave Kosuke a suspicious glance.

Mai tried to recoil back but he determinedly kept a hold on her. Her lips barely parted and she spoke without knowing she was even doing so. "..It hurts.. _Kajimaru,_ _please-_"

_-He slammed her broken body against the wall again and again. "You are finally all mine to play with." His hands were wrapped around her thin arms, digging nails in and shaking her so hard. He slammed her again."But you just won't play along."_

_It hurt, it hurt. "STOP! STOP IT!" _

_A large blow to her head had her limply leaning against him. "Good girl. Calm down." He whispered into her ear and intimately traced his fingers along her skin. The blond gripped her forearms and pressed them against the wall beside her head, languidly, as if he were trying to show her just how powerless she was against him."Now.. Let's try this again."_

_He slanted his lips across hers.-_

'No, no, I'm not there anymore, that happened a long time ago.' She breathed in jaggedly, shakily looking into Kosuke's searching eyes and not knowing what to tell him. Which lie to choose?

She squeezed her eyes shut at the embarrassing tears stinging her eyes and held her breath, bringing a hand up to place it tightly over her lips. She felt so violated; though she didn't remember everything Hikaru did to her, her gut told her it was something much more horrible than a kiss, and she already felt so.. So _wrong._

So defiled, ruined, impure_, disgusting-_

Mai's racing heart was pounding too loudly, so when every single window imploded; it felt as if it were happening yards away from her. The screams of shocked students and glass raining around them were what finally woke her up.

"Usagi-san! We have to go!" Kosuke's voice somehow reached her amidst the shrieking and shoving of other running students. She mentally agreed; she really did have to leave before someone connected her to this mess.

She tried to get up but had no energy to do so, the unintentional explosion took more out of her than she thought, and her vision of Kosuke was wavering. "I'm sorry-" She choked, as he finally helped her up.

"Hey, no worries princess." He blushed happily with her tucked safely at his side and joined the crowds rushing out of the school as a fire alarm started. Though her skin was crawling from any male contact at the moment, she knew that there was no way she could stand on her own.

She tried to thank him, but her head was hurting so badly she could barely lift it. Mai wasn't sure if it was before or after they reached the doors safely, but she finally stopped fighting the world and crumbled into black. The bruises on her arms throbbed even after she lost consciousness.

oOo

"She has quite a bit of injuries, Rin-san." Mai felt sound coming back to her. Where was she? Was that beeping…? Mai felt her heart stutter. Was she back in that place-?

"Malnourished, high stress hormone levels, fractured ribs, lacerations all over her stomach and upper portion of her back, excessive bruising on both arms, neck and face, tears in muscles and tissues, 1st degree burns on her hands-"

"Wait, wait, she had all this…?" She fought hard to open her eyes, but it wasn't working. "Can you tell if.. This is abuse?"

"…Unfortunately, it probably is, but it's rarely this severe. Do you see the bruising patterns on her arms? They're handprints. Larger than a females. Do you know how we can reach her father for some questions?"

Mai moaned in her head, this is exactly what she had been trying to avoid! Abused by parents she didn't even have.

"You're awake?" The doctor's voice was beside her head so she must have moaned out loud unconsciously. "Can you hear me, Usagi-san? You collapsed from exhaustion."

She fluttered her eyes open to find the doctor checking her vitals, though his sympathetic gaze kept flicking back up to her. Mai simply averted her gaze to the new bandages.

"Before you discharge I will have to ask you a few questions, though you must be very tired now." Mai nodded, sneakily trying to look more tired so the doctor would leave. After a last look at the monitors he smiled and left.

Mai tried to smile back, but what came out was an awkward, shaky, distorted shadow of what she used to be able to give.

Being normal was harder than she remembered.. When had that changed?

Silence.

Kosuke was looking at her so tenderly that tears stung her eyes- not in sadness, but in so much shame. Mai had no one to blame but herself for this mess. Her life dropping horribly out of control– this was all her fault. She was ruining her own life.

"You know, if you need to talk, I'll always be free for some coffee Usagi-san."

No, no _no no no no_, she was not dragging anyone into this mess.

'Leave!' The brunette tried to mind-control him, but obviously it hadn't worked. 'Please, please leave.' Before she hurt him, before she got him killed.

Finally, she heard him shift and walk to the door and all the relief in the world hit her, but at the same time never felt more lost and childlike and wanted him- anyone- to stay.

But he did leave with a last cheerful "Ja ne, Usagi-san! I promise to visit soon. I'm glad you seem alright!"

She waited until the doors swung shut, waiting for it just made it seem like it was taking years-

_Click._

Mai closed her eyes and the first tired-of-everything sob finally escaped her lips.

She was going to have to move again…

When she finally composed herself enough to look around the room the vision of a woman crying in the corner forced out a half-sob, half-choked laugh. The walls were drenched in red too; it seemed blowing some windows up took so much energy she could no longer block the day-visions, or stop herself from going insane.

In a last desperate move, she clicked the TV on, but there was only static on every channel.

"Oh come on." She grumbled, and relaxed back when she finally reached a working channel- only to spring back up when she realized that it was- the man- the demon that gave her **nightmares while she was awake-**

"Hello, Mai." Hikaru smiled that empty smile she remembered back at her from the screen. "Tsk tsk. You were messy- we caught you, but that was a fun game of hide and seek."

She couldn't move, she was too scared to. His face made her remember every desperate scream, but thankfully she still couldn't remember the reason behind each frantic one. "Oh no, don't cry sweetheart. I'm glad to see you too.. Or at least, I'm glad I'll be getting to see you again soon-"Her dark talons short circuited the TV before she could hear another word.

Oh Kami-sama. Allah, Buddha, Zeus, Jesus-

She used her bandages wrapped around her hands to rub her cheeks raw and was already out the door and quickly walking through the halls with her hair whipping around her, silently apologizing to Kosuke.

'What do I do?' Mai was shaking so hard, and unconsciously wrapped her arms around herself defensively, looking in every direction wildly as she moved, ignoring the ice from every day-vision she walked through. Ah! The doctor from earlier!

"Doctor-san!"

Breathlessly, she ran up to him, "Ah, Taniyama-san, you look better." She absently glanced at a ticking clock as he spoke.

"Yes, I-!" She stopped, snapping up to focus on his too calm face. "My name is Usagi Sasaki.." She breathed slowly. As he continued to look at her with calm eyes she knew she had done the wrong thing by stopping for anything-

And that it was already too late.

An injection pricked her skin, and she fell foreword onto his vision turned blood-red jacket, hazily watching children crowd around the man with stitches sown to keep their mouths closed, all wearing the same white scrubs the agency had given her.

He had killed this many people alone…

Mai studied the stitched mouths and wondered if they did it so they wouldn't have to hear them scream. Is this what would become of her? She wondered this while wishing she had called Oliver, just one last time.

As he slipped her from the hospital into his car and drove off- she was more horrified by the fact that she wasn't falling unconscious. And she didn't want to see this.

'It's ok Mai, keep calm.' A tear slipped out of her eyes as she watched the scenery passing by, unable to even lift a finger. 'Play the Naru Game. Think about Naru, pretend you're not here.'

She tried to drag up Naru in a cat suit again, but it didn't work. Instead she remembered Naru calling her an idiot with another tear slipping down her face.

**OoO**

_I SWEAR I WAS GOING TO GET NARU TO SHOW UP IN THIS CHAP! X( Obviously it didn't work out, but I do promise he will be in the next one. Or maybe the one after that. I miss him :'( What I had planned was too much for one chap so I had to split it into 2._

_This chap was hard to write, I couldn't decide what to do, and I tried to cut Mai some slack but unfortunately for Mai there will be bloooooooood. Obviously! It's Ghost Hunt lol! _

_Thank you all so, so much for the sweet reviews! ;_; I hope this update was entertaining, that would be my thank you for all those amazing comments. Thank you all again, and again_


	4. Oh, Rich People

**o**

**What Desperation Does**

**CHAPITRE 4**

**Oh, Rich People..**

**O**

Mai didn't know when she passed out, but when she groggily came to she wished that she had remained unconscious- her head was pounding like a parade of drums and her throat felt like a cactus had used it as a scratching post. She was thirsty and more exhausted then one should be after just having slept.

"She has quite a bit of injuries, Rin-san." Wait- Kosuke was here again? Wasn't she just found by Hikaru..? At least, that was the last thing she remembered..

The stupid heart monitor at her side jumped. She was beginning to associate any medical equipment with being back in that horrible room. They must have hooked her up again.

It became faster the more she silently listened to it and she resorted to forcing herself to calm down by seeing how many words she could make out from the word 'stupid'. She came up with 'stud'.

"Malnourished, high stress hormone levels, fractured ribs,"-Mai came up with 'dip'- "lacerations all over her stomach and upper portion of her back, excessive bruising on both arms, neck and face, tears in muscles and tissues, 1st degree burns on her hands-"-Mai came up with 'pit'. And 'sip'.

'Didn't this already happen..?' Back at the hospital? The brunette held her breath, begging with every ion of her being that her capture had actually been just a nightmare. But, second chances- those didn't happen in real life. 'But if it was just a dream.. Why are they saying the exact same thing?'

Had she had a pre-cognitive vision?

Only one way to make sure- concentrating intensely, she minutely moved to pinch her thigh under the cover- OW.

..So this was reality?!

Mai stayed perfectly silent, listening to the same words over again- about her injuries and signs of abuse. 'That snake had known everything all along.' She cursed the doctor. Could she seriously trust no one?

When it came to the point where she had woken up in the supposed vision-dream, she made sure to be perfectly silent this time- the doctor and Kosuke lapsed into silence as well. It felt odd.. Like she was changing fate.

"How do you know her?"

"I-I work at her school." Kosuke was obviously flustered and the doctor chuckled knowingly.

"And you're together? How sweet."

"Ah-I-iie! It's not like that!" Why was this doctor not _leaving? _The agency seemed so powerful- not at all the type to sit around and gossip like old women.

"Do you know if she will have friends visiting?" Mai only just suppressed the urge to face palm. Why was he even asking-

….Wait..

This reminded her of something their 'Big Boss' had threatened- there where so many threats but one had stuck out, since it was the largest motivation behind her first escape (and consequent blowing up of more than one building) by blindly using a power that shredded her humanity to nothing.

_- Would he kill them-? Ayako, Naru and her family or friends if he ever found them?_

_The man smiled and she knew he had read her mind. His eyes were as empty as Hikaru's. She was so stupid to ever have been lead around by these people. This was all her fault. "No Mai love, we would torture them first." -_

His words echoed until the dizzy girl really comprehended them.

Oh Kami-sama.

Oh God. _'Oh my God.'_ They were going to kill Kosuke, she realized.

"Tsk, the poor dear is shaking. Extreme exhaustion like hers does usually cause nightmares; I'll be back with some sedatives." She heard his footsteps finally fading and the door swung open. "Will you be able to stay for the next hour, Rin-san?"

"Well, I'm supposed to be back at work but.. I guess-"

"Good." The doctor cut him off abruptly, strangely icily and left.

The brunette bounded up as soon as she heard the click and scared the living daylights out of her senpai who had been muttering about bipolar doctors.

"Usagi-san!" Mai ignored his shock, ripping the wires off herself and glancing at the same crying vision of a woman in the corner and the red drenched walls. Her nightmare had been too accurate. "Ah.. Were the wires bothering you?" She could even smell the blood.

He watched her swing her legs over and wasted a minute she didn't have to pause as her stomach heaved. She clutched her fevered head with a hand and dizzily looked at him through her fingers. "Rin- _did you tell him where you live?"_

"I-iie. But he asked for your address. Why?" She shakily breathed out and grabbed a notepad and pen off the bed's side table.

She had read something on making a ward to block any psychics from sensing you- but with her heart stuttering the way it was she could barely remember how to write. Her hands were shaking too hard.

They were going to put her back in that room- Hikaru would get to put her back in that coffin where every deafening scream never seemed loud enough- _No-_ No no no-

Kosuke placed his hands on her shoulders and looked at her in worry but she only kept her eyes on the blank notepad. His words of comfort were just background noise that she knew where false; there was **no time.**

The doctor said he would come back. She pushed herself in desperation to remember the Onmyouji scribbles. 'Come _on_ brain, work!'

Once she jaggedly scrawled it out, she cut the taller man off by stuffing one in his pocket. "Keep that with you no matter what, ok?"

"…"

Great. She couldn't get anyone to listen to her if they thought she was crazy. She had to make him see- to feel the horrible, dreadful desperation that she was literally choking on.

"That doctor is a very, very bad man." She was shaking like a leaf in the wind but couldn't stop it. "He's going to come back and-and-"The woman in the corner began screaming as her head was bludgeoned. Mai couldn't think straight. "Just trust me. Please Rin. We have to leave before he's back."

There must have been something he'd seen on her face, because he wordlessly followed her as she glanced at him with terrified doe eyes and slinked off her bed, sneaking out the door to speed walk down the hall in the opposite direction she had gone in her dream.

"Should I call the police?" He murmured nervously, too close to her ear.

Speaking of police, the cop she had seen on TV- the one that she recognized worked with Hikaru- had just turned the corner and was walking in their direction.

Mai squeaked through a mini-heart attack and shoved them both into the nearest room, which turned out to be a closet. With the vision of a dismembered body crammed by their feet. She stepped into the ice associated with the day-vision and closed the door to leave them in the dark.

The brunette held a trembling finger to her lips and motioned desperately for the nervous senpai to not make a sound as she felt the cop coming closer. The ward was clutched tighter to her chest.

_Ba-bump. Ba-bump._

A shadow cast over their door. She held her breath even though her lungs screamed.

_Ba-bump Ba-bump._

_Ba-bumpBa-bump._

'Please, please don't hear my heartbeat.'

_Ba-bumpBa-bump._

When the shadow passed, she almost cried in relief and brought the ward up to her shaking lips. It had worked!

"U-Usagi, tell me what in the world is going on?!" Though he was older, it was hard to be threatened by a man stuffed in a closet. "Why are you so scared…?"

She stiffened as the parts of the dead body fell over from the neat pile and rolled through her foot. "That paper protects you from.. some dangerous people who are after me. Keep it on you, ok? _Promise me Rin-senpai." _She whispered back, fearing that he would end up like the envisioned corpse at her feet if they were caught.

"Why would someone be-"

Mai cut off his obvious question by grabbing his wrist and fazed them both through the wall and out of the hospital.

Xxxxxxxx

'Yosh!'

Good things: Mai had travelled far enough from the hospital to calm her anxiety attacks and she couldn't feel any auras fallowing.

Bad things; which unfortunately outweighed the good: She was freezing, exhausted and starving, it was getting dark and she was once again homeless with nothing but a phone, light jacket, her skimpy uniform, a backpack full of homework and one overdue Onmyouji book. And..

Kosuke was still gapping at her. There were also a lot of creative murders that had happened in this forest. A lot.

"Erm.. Don't go back to that hospital.. Just for a while. And again, please keep that paper with you."

He slowly nodded. Still gapping.

Silence. She nervously played with her hair, wondering if this was what Oliver felt like when she first started working with him.

"And.. If anyone asks you about me I was just some loner at school. Alright?"

A nod. More gapping.

Mai bit her lip to force down a laugh- was she going crazy or was this actually really funny?

Taking enough for bus fare out of her last money reserves, she directed the shocked man to an empty bus stop with an exasperated smile.

Not knowing what else to do, she guided him down on a bench, zipped up his jacket and awkwardly patted his back as she whispered a quick 'stay safe' and rushed back to the forest without a backwards glance. Kosuke had really been kind. She hoped he would never have to see her again.

Later, as she huddled behind a tree in the dark, fidgeting uncomfortably with her bag strap and trying to tug her uniform skirt lower, with paranoia making her try to look in every direction at the same time; she realized that Oliver had told her to call them after her classes.

She set down the bunch of raspberries she had been nibbling on to a homework page she obviously wouldn't need anymore and, unsure, slipped out her phone. The white '4 AM' blinked back at her and illuminated her face.

Should she? Mai didn't exactly enjoy lying as much as she was lately..

She wanted to see him more than badly. '…Sorry Naru.' The phone went dead in her hands. The brunette sighed but resumed nibbling, trying to plan out what to do when the sun rose with a dizzy head.

When she somehow fell into a paranoid, fitful sleep, Mai dreamt that she had returned to her apartment and rummaged past faceless corpses that she was too used to seeing, yet her heart hurt for a reason she couldn't fathom and Mai couldn't help the sobs that shook her as hard as the first times she had started seeing the corpses. She cried without knowing why she was.

In a haze, she looked for her emergency bag that she had started leaving by the door, and when she found it, she clasped her only possessions to her chest and drew her body into a corner as small as she was able to huddle, where she watched a fire start and spread over each motionless body for the rest of the night.

She wished for a bed to huddle under and hide from this.

Or at least the coffin-black voids she used to dream of.

Xxxxxxxxx

The sun was out, the birds seemed to be screaming instead of singing and Mai was deliriously cold. However, she hated being dirty and forced herself back under the freezing stream to rinse her hair.

As she broke the surface once more, Mai collapsed her upper body on the warming ground and tiredly shifted her chocolate orbs to the new addition that she had apparently astral walked out of her apartment. Her emergency bag.

Mai really scared herself these days. How was she supposed to be able to tell reality apart from dream?

She didn't really know anymore.. Maybe it was something they injected her with; but it seemed as if her powers were still growing? When would it stop?

..Was she dreaming now? What was reality?

'But how can they be growing so fast?' She lay there for a moment, discomfort rolling in her stomach. 'Then that also means those bodies…'

She clenched her jaw, reasoning that they must have been day-visions from her shady apartment that bled into the astral walking, and shyly pushed her blushing, bare body quickly out of the water to walk over to her cleaned clothes that had dried on a rock while she bathed.

The ward was hanging from her neck, bunched into a locket-like necklace, which she would keep until she could read Oliver's email about the other sensory blocking move she had asked him about.

As she was hastily slipping her clothes on, and in between her paranoid watch in which she basically tripped over herself to scrutinize every leaf that moved; her phone rang. Her growling stomach was sadly almost loud enough to block the ringing though.

'I'm just a normal student camping.' She pretended to herself, to feel slightly calmer. 'I'm just camping.'

The number was an unknown one, and after hesitating, she sent it to voice mail. Paranoia was really annoying. She had to get a new phone. New place to sleep, new clothes- she sighed in desolation at the cute curtains she had left in her last apartment.

What could she do now? What was she even able to do? Nothing. She starred at an autumn flower by her two bags as it became blurry from powerless and panic induced tears. She needed help but she had no one.

'This isn't like me!' She tried to wake herself up by raising both hands and slapping both cheeks at the same time- 'I-itai!' –A little too hard.

She sent her ringing phone to voice message- it was the unknown number calling again- and picked up a stick to draw up a plan in the dirt.

Hours passed and she scratched out too many plans to count. Huffing in frustration, she ran a hand trembling with exhaustion through her hair and whipped out her latest idiotic idea from the dirt to start with another clean slate.

Every plan she had come up with told her one thing: she needed help.

She wanted to leave but didn't have enough money to move again. She could sleep in a tent until she could save enough, but it was close to the snowing periods of Japan. Plus; she was still severely injured and couldn't defend herself. She obviously couldn't go back, or forward, left or right-

She was stuck; yet her heart would revolt and demand she put no one else in danger, and her secretive, orphan nature wouldn't let her ask for help either. Then, the planning cycle would begin again.

Mai quietly moaned- her head was pounding, it felt like twenty voices were trying to all speak at the same time.

One thing was sure. She needed a teacher- and she needed food before she resorted to cannibalism.

She sunk into a miserable mess as that actually somehow made her stomach growl in hunger, and cradled her exhausted face in shaking hands, listening to the annoying ringing of her loud phone.

She chanced a peak at it, seeing the unknown number once again, and; feeling reckless and uncaring, finally answered it.

"Moshi moshi." Mai yawned. Were there supposed to be so many black spots? Or was it just a new addition to her 'gift'.

"Mai." A feminine voice seethed and snapped her awake. "You are so unbelievable_-_! **Do you know how long I've been TRYING TO CONTACT YOU.**"

"M-Masako?" She blinked. Masako sounded like a demon when she was angry.

"Where have you even- hmph. I don't care."

Maybe she didn't, but Mai had never heard a more beautiful voice in all her life, she clutched at the phone like a life line. "It's so good to hear from someone in SPR." Masako had no idea, but obviously didn't return the sentiment.

"I got your number from Madoka. There's a case in England, I was asked to see if you are able to come, but you never pick up." She didn't tell Masako she thought she was a certain psychotic, astral walking, ex-teacher and had been specifically avoided her calls.

The whole sentence caught up with her sleep deprived mind, and she fell speechless, feeling like someone had grabbed her like one would a can and shook her for an hour. The crash of emotions was too strong, heightening until her fevered mind collapsed and they just cancelled each other to leave her only with numbness and a tight chest.

"I.." –Do! I DO! She would be the best tea slave and work the hardest she ever had, learn English to graduate there and would never slack off for the rest of her life-

"Well?" Masako prompted.

"Ano. I-I.." Couldn't afford the ticket. Or a place to live there since the euro was worth more than yen. She would be such an annoyance if she agreed; to both Oliver and his family who would be forced to take her in.

Not to mention…

"_Mai."_ Masako impatiently pushed, but she had already made up her mind.

…Mai would never risk placing them in danger; not even with a million wards and a shield that blocked all of England with titanium.

"Can't." She whispered finally, shading her eyes with a fringe of hair and hardly believing what was coming out of her own mouth. "I can't."

Her heart sunk to the core of the earth but she somehow felt even lower than that. Mai knew that what you wanted and what you needed to do where sometimes two very different things.

"Really. Hm. Well, if you actually answered your phone earlier I would have given you the option but I have travelled too far out to care at this point."

Silence. She was making her fevered mind work too hard today.

"Chotto. N-nani? I'm not even in Tokyo right now."

"Yes, I know. What are you doing all the way out in Hokkaido?"

"..Camping.. How did you-?" She pressed her phone closer to hear the muffled background conversation and caught 'I've traced her coordinates through the phone call Masako-sama.'

"Camping? What a lower class thing to do." Masako continued casually.

Mai felt like she could empathize with beheaded chickens for a moment. "What do you mean _traced my call?!" _

Masako mumbled something she couldn't hear since a plane was loudly passing by, Mai had to ask for her to repeat it while blocking her other ear with a palm.

Masako obliged. "I said; look behind you."

Slowly, she turned and looked at the landing jet plane as if she had just found Urado in lingerie.

"KYAAA-!" Mai had obviously officially gone insane. 'That's it. I've lost it.'

Masako appeared impeccably at the doorway and rolled her eyes, snippily motioning a body guard to drag the brunette in without even touching a foot down on the dirt outside of the jet.

Perhaps Mai had fainted in shock, because she didn't remember how she found herself strapped into a seat opposite of two kimono'd women. One being Masako, and the other who was introduced as Aoi Mizu, a medium and partner of Masako's who hadn't replied back to her greeting and looked at her offered handshake as if Mai had offered a box of feces.

It was like seeing double although knew Aoi was undoubtedly French by her accent and cute (useless) parasol umbrella- both had sleeves pulled up to their mouths as they watched her fidget for a couple hours into the spontaneous ride.

Before Masako's phone call Mai had been wondering how she would be able to tell if she was in a vision or in reality, and Mai was still having that issue. This was so unreal.

"Why do you keep pinching yourself? Is this a lower class tradition?" Aoi finally said after a long period of silence in genuine curiosity.

Mai simply twitched, shyly asking for some paper and a pen to make more wards.

..Because it seemed like she was going to England..

Xxxxx

After creating more wards than she could count for 'just in case' to stuff into her shoes, locket, and pockets, and endless hours of doing anything that came to mind so she wouldn't fidget and fret over exactly what was meeting her at the end of the trip, her exhaustion finally weighed over everything and succumbed to sleep. Only to awaken wrapped in a familiar pair of strong arms- familiar because they were cutting off her air supply.

"Bou-san?" She mumbled half asleep.

"Jou-chan! You still fall asleep everywhere!" He laughed, "Wake up, kitten!"

Mai thought she was strong- but a hug was breaking her down. She had been truly growing colder since the day-visions first starting showing her the scarier things humans were capable of.

"M-Mai!" For once it was Bou-san being smushed in her skinny arms. Ayako laughed beside them, tears clinging to her eyelashes.

She nuzzled her face in Takigawa's neck to hide her own wet eyes, happy that what little sleep she had regained her strength enough that the day-visions were blocked once again and not grating her sanity for the moment.

"Ayako, Bou-san- it's- it's so good to-" She pressed her mouth shut, unable to speak.

Ayako smiled gently, taking her into her own arms. "We know sweetheart, it's good to see you too."

She didn't cry, she wouldn't cry, Mai won't cry, she was not going to cry.

Masako and Aoi had already gone, she imagined to fawn over Oliver, and the trio walked out into the raining street of London to join them.

England was more beautiful then Mai imagined; cathedral style buildings and lush trees decorated the scenery even though it was almost winter. But Mai only saw one thing- just the blue eyes that were steadily peering back at her.

Ayako and Takigawa fell quiet to giggle at the scene like schoolgirls, but Mai didn't know what  
they were expecting since she was only able to whisper "Hi Oliver." It was the first time she  
had used his real name.

She had spent an hour in the jet feeling extremely embarrassed over the fact that she would be stepping out feeling like a hunched over caveman compared to the two beautiful, successful women she had arrived with. But here now, finally in front of him it didn't matter.

She began to walk to him, and when she couldn't take the distance between them anymore, rushed quickly to finally reach him and wordlessly throw her shaking arms around his shoulders and dig her fingers into his hair. Anything to get closer to him. She could feel regret later.

"Mai." He quietly intoned next to her ear. And patted her head.

"I didn't miss you at all." She cheekily said back to hide the sob that was tearing her mind apart  
to come out. She stepped back to see the amused glint in his eyes and ducked her chin happily.

She loved him. What could she do.

Masako scoffed somewhere near her, and she finally felt the shyness to accompany her actions.

"My fathers associate will be accompanying us on this case, along with most SPR members and Masako's partner as well." Oliver addressed everyone, emotion already blanked from his face though Mai's heart was still fluttering through a tornado."As you can tell from the amount of needed people this case is extremely important."

"Are Lin and John already at the base then?" Mai asked, too softly as her aura distracted her and she felt a familiar aura driving up to them-

_What the- _

"Yes, along with-" A car door clicked shut behind him.

_Of all the chances-_

"Hikaru Kajimaru." The new voice made everyone turn except Mai who wanted to laugh hysterically or cry the hardest she ever had in her life. "It's a pleasure to meet everyone. I work with Martin Davis and occasionally his son, but for now I'm just here to drive everyone to the case."

'..You have got to be kidding me.'

"Thank you, Kajimaru-san." Oliver nodded a hello. _Kajimaru-san; _That word from his lips was.. Wrong. Vile.

"It's about time!" Ayako grumbled, distraught over her rain-soaked hair and Aoi grinned smugly beside her, twirling the cute French parasol that kept her dry while fluttering her eyes at Oliver.

It wasn't that Mai wouldn't look at him; she couldn't- her internal battle had her painfully paralyzed and she could only lift a hand slowly to fist her hair and dig her nails into her scalp as if it would hold back the unnatural extensions of her chaotic mind threatening to rip apart her body to come out, to tear her mind to shreds if she didn't use the dark talons.

Before she knew it, she was collapsing and it was Masako of all people who cut off a conversation with Aoi to steady her again.

"Gomen." She breathed at their exclamations and worried looks. "I don't.." She trembled harder even, trying to _control _the tendrils of miasma that no one else could see but were thrashing everywhere and causing the trees to bow to her. "I'm just a little tired."

Hikaru was looking at her.

"Kitten." Takigawa fondly squished her cheek. The girls squealed beside her at the harshening winds ruining their hair and she wanted to snarl at their stupidity.

Hikaru was _looking at her_ and she only knew her skin was crawling and she wanted to gnaw her fingers until blood was dripping off her chin and pull her hair screaming, screaming until her eyes closed, heart stopped and she finally got far enough away from him by dying.

Oliver gave her a calculated look that somehow calmed her down and continued directing everyone. His voice was like melting velvet and her eyes distanced as she listened to it, not hearing any of the words. His voice had gotten deeper.

"I'm.. Cold." Mai whispered as she caught Ayako's lingering questioning look of why she was shaking so hard, and blamed the hyperventilation on it as well. 'I'm scared.'

However, those violet-blue ice shards didn't turn to her again, not as everyone complied to Oliver's orders or during the 5 hour long ride.

She; however, still felt the after affects and it was an overload on her senses to focus on the excited chatter, or Masako and Aoi fighting over Oliver's attention, even a phone ringing was enough to send her brain into an explosion with her heart pounding as loud as the landing bombs. Her skin didn't feel like it was hers.

To avoid it all, she curled into herself and pretended to sleep against Takigawa, but her fingers gave her away to grip his jacket.

'Stay perfectly still.' She instructed, feeling BPR's van lurch to a stop. Should she run for it? No, that was stupid and not a possibility; he must have known she was going to come here eventually and came as a trap.

She couldn't just leave her family here with that-that- 'I have to tell someone-' No, that wasn't right either. He was too strong. The agency and what their commander wanted her to do- what she had seen in his mind the split second she touched him- this was real **evil,** a horrible satanic cult.

Mai unconsciously traced the rope mark under her turtleneck and felt her mouth sow shut.

When they arrived, it was Hikaru's hand that 'woke' her by violently twisting the lacerated skin of her back and helped her out of the vehicle- saying casually to Oliver that the victims in their case were beaten to death for doing idiotic things while digging his nails into the burns he gave her hiding under gloves.

All that maneuvering; all those escapes, the running, hiding and pushing people away. Did any of it count if you were caught right before the finish line?

**oOoOo**

_Finals are coming up so updates will be way slower. But not to worry to all you darlings who have read/actually enjoy this story! I have sort of planned out the next chap. In my head._

_Altogether now everyone! Ohhh, rich people LOL ^^ If anyone has read the Ouran Highschool Host Club then they will understand the inspiration for Masako flying in out of nowhere with a jet._


	5. Sorry Doesn't Do Anything

**o**

**What Desperation Does**

**CHAPITRE 5**

**Sorry Doesn't Do Anything**

**O**

Oliver has been ignoring her.

Mai supposed it was a result of her embarrassing confession. For now, she had too much to deal with anyways.

Hikaru would walk in; Mai would walk out. If Hikaru came into the room, Mai would go to the next. If Hikaru needed to eat, Mai would suddenly be full. It was like playing a psychotic version of hide and seek. The flash of predatory humor in his eyes didn't make sense- she wasn't trying to be funny. She was trying to avoid an aneurysm.

Mai admitted what she was doing was pointless; the man had enough supernatural prowesses to create a typhoon in the next city, but it made her feel a little better and he seemed to be allowing it for now. The brunette had gotten through helping set up cameras in the small castle the case was situated in, thermo's and other equipment placed, rooms assigned and unpacked for every member with this evasive strategy.

Now there was nothing to do but lazily watch Oliver and Lin work in the base like she used to, leaning against a fogged windowsill with her legs curled under her. It rained a lot in England.

"Ne, Naru?" She sleepily questioned and there was a long pause in which she supposed Oliver was waiting for her to continue, and where she tried to force him to answer by staying completely silent and trying to hide a grin.

He stood up to walk up to his bookshelf.

"Naru." She waited. _Please, please let me in again._

Oliver sighed, snapped the book he was holding closed. "What is it, Mai."

Oh how she loved pushing his buttons. "Do you and your father work together? In your para-psychological research I mean?"

"I used to work under Martin but as I grew older he gave me free reign to study what I want. Though I occasionally do work with him still." Obviously he meant not many people he worked with were smart enough for him.

"So.. How do you do research on people who say they have supernatural powers?" Maybe what the agency put her through was normal..

He finally raised his eyes to meet hers and saw interest quietly gleaming in them. Mai felt so much pride for him; this was his work they were discussing after all. "In most cases we investigate their family history then observe them in a sealed environment and monitor every bodily state; blood count, somatic cell count, nerve activity by Electromyographies, EEG's and CT's-"

"So you never touch them?" She swallowed, becoming nervous.

"No." He took in her lowered eyelashes for a moment. "Why?"

She tried to look casual but her hands were grasping her skirt too hard. She badly wanted to ask this question but didn't want to know the answer. "Just wondering, I'm thinking of getting the same degree after I graduate. Also um.." She ran a hand through her hair and flicked the TV on to avoid looking at his face.

"Also?"

"Say their power temporarily doesn't work or you think it isn't progressed enough, or you want to try to add powers- do you ever force it? Say.. with pills or.. injections? " TV, TV, focus on the TV. "I read about someone doing something like that." She added.

"Never. I'm not even sure if that's possible." His rustling had stopped but she didn't turn to him.

"Thank you, Naru."

"..Mm." Not possible, huh? Well damn her &^%$# luck.

Ayako and Takigawa loudly walked in, laughing over something and for once not arguing. "Naru-bou, have you spoken to the owners yet? I didn't see anyone throughout the entire place!"

"And Masako and her bratty partner hadn't felt anything yet." Ayako helpfully added.

"What's the story for the case?" Takigawa smiled fondly at Mai and came to take a seat beside her.

"I'm waiting for the reports back from everyone, then I will fill you all in." Masako walked in then, and informed _Oliver-kun_ that her partner still wanted to double check a few rooms and would be with them soon.

"Still didn't feel anything, Masako?" Ayako gave the medium a smug look that Lin sighed in silent suffering at.

"I wouldn't have told you that I didn't if I did." Ayako's smug look dropped. "What about you, Mai?"

The said girl blinked back confusedly to the group that was starring at her expectantly. Well, all but Oliver of course. 'Sigh..'

"Do you still get those dreams, Jou-chan? Or do you sense anything?" Takigawa rephrased, squeezing one of her small hands in his own.

"It's understandable if you don't. Sometimes latent psychics experience a burst of power which can fade after a while to something smaller." Oliver said without turning to her, reminding her of the conversation they had shared. This time, she was left feeling a little offended though.

They obviously weren't expecting her to be able to do anything note worthy, and the irony of their pitying looks made her want to face palm a thousand times. '_Do I even still dream?_ Are they kidding me?' They could at least expect that of her.

"I still do, but I can control them better now." She said, and left it at that. 'Jerks.'

However, Oliver was now looking at her like a science fare project. "What do you mean by control?"

Mai curled into herself a little- that had been the exact question the agency had asked her when she first went to them.

_-"I need help to.. control everything. I can't sleep, I can't go to school. I can't stop _seeing bodies_." _

"_Please expand, Taniyama-san. What do you mean by control?"-_

"I'll tell you if I do see something." She cut both the conversation and the thought off with a smile, but it was a lie. She hadn't dropped her control on the block she always forced for the day-visions because her 'animal instinct' was screaming at her about this case; she didn't expose herself to anything until she knew more about it.

"So then she lost them." Masako and Ayako teased haughtily while Takigawa gave them the evil eye for bothering his kitten.

Oliver studied her for a few seconds longer, before Aoi and Hikaru sauntered in and caused everyone to look at the flirty French woman and emotionless blond. "Report?" Oliver leaned back in his seat and Mai suddenly felt like she could breathe after his eyes left her.

Once everyone settled, Oliver told everyone what was going on at the castle- common things; poltergeisting, shadows, dead animals, and pranks, the largest importance was that the tiny castle was a summer home for the current Queen of England.

Mai was slightly taken aback. Her gut reaction was that something was terribly wrong, but if that was all then perhaps her animal instinct had picked up on something that wasn't related to that case. It made sense- she had been on overdrive since seeing Hikaru, and with him starring at her the way he was now she could barely stop herself from jumping out the 5 story high window. It was probably him she had been sensing.

It was a miracle that he had decided to choose the seat furthest from her; perhaps he also felt the dark power she was struggling with, pulsing savagely just under the confines of her restraints.

"ai-? Mai?"

The brunette snapped up and subtly tried to hide a little behind Takigawa's arm connected to his hand that was still comfortingly squeezing her own. "Ah, sorry Bou-san! What were you saying?"

"Well, Naru-bou and I were wondering if you could go to sleep now!" She deadpanned but it just made his toothy grin wider.

"And why would I need to do that?"

"For information gathering obviously! Maybe working with SPR again can give another burst to your powers to make them work again.."

Face palm. Face palm. In her head of course. "I meant that I don't need to be asleep to see them anymore! Look." She bristled, feeling very much like a hissing kitten and dropped her shield over the day-visions to watch the scenery blend and change-

Mai paled and shifted to hesitantly stand onto small, slippered feet. "Um, Na-Naru.. Did the owner mention anything about any deaths?" She asked breathlessly, unseeingly looking past her surprised coworkers to the groups of children holding candles and sipping from cups of black water, emotionlessly watching a hooded figure behead them one by one.

When she stepped closer to Oliver, she was stepping in puddles of blood.

"No." He said, and it was the most surprised she'd ever heard him. It made her shy. "What do you see?" He said slowly, and she caught Hikaru's smug look in the back of the group; he had been her teacher of course.

"A lot of children.. About 26." Another young head was sliced off and the number suddenly became 25. "There's someone um.. killing them over there." She pointed right next to Ayako who immediately shuffled over to Lin, which was so silly she couldn't help giggling.

Ayako looked at her like she had gone completely insane and perhaps she had. "You find me being afraid funny?"

Mai felt momentarily horrible, like she'd done something very wrong. "I'm sorry Ayako! It's just that- I guess I got used to- well, it took a long time for me to be able to shut them off."

"Zees is impossible. Hara-san and I don't see anysing!" Aoi huffed, disgruntled in how Oliver was paying such attention to the brunette and their growing proximity as he slowly walked towards her.

"I don't see spirits." She fidgeted uncomfortably, "Just the past. Like in my dreams, but I'm awake."

"What's happening?" Oliver sent a glance to Lin who began typing. She wasn't sure if she wanted his attention now though. She felt slightly like a freak.

"Th-the children aren't afraid.. They look sort of hypnotized actually. They're holding candles and a black liquid they drink right before he…" Another head was slashed off. "Um.. You're getting some blood on you Masako." The girl simply gave her a look like she didn't even believe Mai was telling the truth. "It looks like some cult ritual. Also, there was a suicide beside you Mizu-san, their clothes look like they were alive in the 1800's though, the group of children look more mid-evil period? I think? So they're older."

Oliver immediately directed almost all the members to groups of two for different tasks who seemed upset to be leaving without questioning Mai, and then when it was just them, he turned to her with a very predatory look that sent shivers up her spine and flutters to her stomach. "You and I are going for a little walk, Mai. Around the whole place."

She sighed. 'Way to ruin the mood Naru.' But hey, at least they were alone.

Lin joined them with a recorder. 'Ok, well, almost alone.' She grabbed her jacket from a pool of vision blood and smiled exasperatedly.

Xxxxxxxx

A couple hours later, Mai stumbled behind the two Englishmen back into the base with throbbing legs and a throbbing brain- being (almost) alone with Oliver would be more satisfying if he wasn't even more aggravating then she remembered him to be.

On one hand, at least he wasn't ignoring her anymore..

But honestly, it's like he was _trying_ to rile her up! No one could get her that angry that many times in 5 minutes flat. He had to be trying.

Just thinking about it was turning Mai into a fire breathing dragon, so after a last pout in Oliver's direction, to which he simply raised his eyebrow and let his eyes trail down her face and across her body in a way that left her completely red, she sputtered and retreated to Takigawa's arms.

"Kitten!" He greeted, giving her a hug. Which slowly became a squeeze. Which slowly became murderous and cut off her air supply. "Why didn't you tell me about this secret amazing, super cool power update?!"

"B-Bou-san! I'm sorry!" She tried not to laugh incase it made him more angry but she couldn't remember a time she was more happy in the last half a year. "I didn't think it was that important!"

"Hm. And by the way what was that with Naru-bou over there." His eyebrows were wiggling faster than a laundry machine and she stopped herself from telling him not to hurt himself. His hint was more than obvious without the distracting wiggling.

"He was telling me how disgustingly messy my clothes are in his own way."

"Right, that's exactly what it looked like from over here." Ah, sarcasm.

"What else would it be though?" She asked, her doe eyes genuinely confused.

He looked at her for a few moments, and then she suddenly found herself back into his arms and being squeezed to death. "My innocent angel! Don't worry, Bou-san's here to protect you from the world's perverts!"

"B-Bou-san! Stop!" The laugh actually bubbled out of her this time; Takigawa was so weird.

"Ahem." Oliver interrupted with that velvet smooth voice.

"Pervert." Ayako smacked Takigawa's arm.

The only thing Mai had noticed was that there were an extremely high number of suicides directly around the room she had seen all the children slaughtered- the room which just happened to be their base.

Oddly enough, the rooms in the rest of the castle were empty of any memories of deaths and Mai had found that very disconcerting; that had never happened before. Death was part of life; she usually saw it in almost every room. It was almost too quiet, and she had told Oliver as much.

Sitting among them and discussing these things with them, and the random arguments- it all made Mai feel like she was coming out of her self-imposed shell and she quietly sat back to happily watch them all try to speak at the same time as they argued over an idea.

That is- before Hikaru walked in the room looking extremely angry and his anger had her snapping out of her seat and out the door like the room had caught on fire, already scared.

His blue-violet ice shards had a menacing gleam under the blank look he was trying to pull over them, but she knew him too well.

"I'm getting tea!" She shut the door and basically ran to the kitchen, not able to stop shaking until she had the door to the room shut and locked as well, and her aura expanded the thinnest it could possibly be to track everyone's movement in the house.

The darker power she was afraid of bubbled under her skin and reminded her how much destruction it could cause before she shoved it back roughly.

For a moment she looked aimlessly at all the buttons on the high tech stove. 'What is he doing here? What's he waiting for? _Why was he playing with her?_' She stopped in realization; feeling like a target was pinned on her vulnerable back while she waited blindly in the dark. '..Is he waiting for more people to arrive?'

She shoved everything in her mind aside, concentrated on her breathing and rummaged the shelves to find a gorgeous and very expensive looking tea pot, along with some obviously pricey tea leaves that were apparently shipped from Africa if the label was telling the truth.

'Ouwa! Arigato, England-Queen-sama!'

Her gloves got in the way of her work, so deciding that her wounds had healed enough she slipped them off for the first time in weeks and hid the bandages under tissues in the trashcan with relish before continuing her work.

'Oliver's going to love this.' She smiled contentedly, finally calm again as the soothing smell curled around her.

The door behind her swished open and her hair stood up on end. Technically there shouldn't be anyone else here- her aura wasn't sensing anyone else behind her. Yet there were footsteps.

And- and hadn't she locked the door?

"Oliver?" She quietly asked, although she already knew who it was. Her eyes were fixed on the tea pot to avoid turning around.

"Usagi was it?" Hikaru emotionlessly mocked and Mai squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could. "Do you even **understand** how much trouble you're in?"

She didn't reply and that suited him fine too- he didn't bother with threats, just a wave of supernatural energy that slammed her into the table, breaking one of its legs and smashing a chair into pieces.

Mai woozily made it to a wall but her legs weren't working and she slid down the wall instead of running for it. 'Get up!' She hazily watched a pair of feet walk into her vision and a familiar pair of hands wrapped around her throat tightly before slamming her head again into the wall. And again. And again.

"St-op!" She mewled feebly, and latched onto the first thing her mind made up. "Th-there are cameras everywhere!"

He didn't even blink at that and fisted her hair to yank her head viciously back. "We're in the blind spot." He murmured, making Mai's blood run cold. "And I have a message." He whispered, brushing against an ear lobe and pulling her turtleneck down to trace her rope burns with cold lips.

In defiance she allowed some of the dark, destructive power out and shocked him away from her but had to pull it back before it grew out of control. His blank look finally dropped and he furiously stepped closer back to her limp body.

"Wait-s-stop!" She held up a hand, trying to reason past the dizzy spell and possible concussion. "You can't take me back there; you don't know what he wants us to _do!_"

"He's my adoptive father. I know exactly what he wants. It's the reason he adopted me." His supernatural energy wrapped around her like air and she couldn't move. "And he wants to adopt you too, imouto-chan."

"I would rather die." Her voice wavered and her heart pounded ruthlessly, but she focused on the anger like an angry goddess on a war path. Anger was good, anger made the fear go away.

"Oh, don't worry." Though he had just proclaimed her as his 'imouto', his lips were tracing the lines of her neck again, and a hand had slid her shirt higher to possessively latch onto her breast and **squeeze so jealously-** "You are going to be beaten to an inch of your life."

"Kaji_maru, stop!"_ She thrashed with her mind and soul against his supernatural restraints, and then came up with an idea. "Ok, ok.. I'll go back with you." Mai panted.

Hikaru bit her lip, not sexually; he aimed to really hurt her, and blood slid down both their chins.

"Just tell me what you want." Her defensive nature finally left her, just like he wanted, although her cat shaped eyes glared at him unforgivably, exhaustedly.

"I. Want. You. When I see you with that _Davis I just get so-" _Mai cowered as his tone became more and more menacing, more homicidal. He kissed her again; though she kept her mouth stubbornly closed off and tried turning away. Her heart twisted and died and cried since she wouldn't allow herself to do so outwardly.

She would rather his lips make her bleed, for the hand caressing her stomach to be scratching her skin away. She never felt more like a used, useless girl.

"I have orders to take you back to my father tonight. Oh. And this is a message from my father for destroying his building." A palm clasped over her mouth and before she could comprehend what he was doing the tip of a dagger was slowly stabbed into her torso-

Her scream was muffled by his fingers and she literally wasn't able to take another breath as the knife dragged across her stomach unhurriedly.

"I was like you too Mai- my gift was growing too fast too, that's how the agency found me. We never find them unless they want us to you see. And you have so much power Mai," He nuzzled her neck while he did this. "Everything just draws to you because of it. But you're mine, aren't you?"

"I'll- go- b-back. But not y-yet- my power is too out of c-cont-rol. Even more than b-before." The brunette choked out through mind numbing pain. "Teach me again, then I'll willingly go back after I g-_gasp_-graduate."

The dagger was finally pulled out. "Deal." She was shaking too hard, and even he worried if she had lost too much blood. "But you will be living with me so I can keep tabs on you, and I will home school you as well. You will not need to go back to classes."

She stayed silent, not daring to look at him for fear that he would read the plan in her eyes; of how she was just buying time until she could take down the whole agency to hell with her if she had to.

"Now, now. Be nice. There are others I can go play with in the next room if you don't mind your manners." He smiled for the first real time since she met him, really smiled at her helpless tears, and she kept the defiant glare on the floor just to spite him. "This is going to be fun. Like old times." She never hated someone so much in her life.

The tea pot finally whistled, and she couldn't believe all that had just happened had only been a couple minutes, long enough for tea to boil.

She felt as tired as if she had been running for hours. The Mai that had been laughing with her coworkers a little while ago seemed like a different person she had passed by months ago.

Hikaru sighed, as if he was being averted from playing with his favorite bloody, trembling toy and left her to walk to the stove and finish preparing the tea.

"What are you doing?" She quietly and angrily shuddered out.

It was becoming cold..

"I'll finish this and tell them you.. fell ill. You have to clean yourself." He turned to pierce her with the violet-blue ice shards of his eyes and walked back to wipe the blood on his dagger off onto her shirt. "Last thing-"A package he slipped out of his coat was dropped carelessly in front of her. "-Take this as a warning. Don't try anything funny."

He picked up the tea tray and left as the broken table and chair reconstructed itself and aligned back under the chandelier, locking the door behind him.

As soon as he left his power let go of the tight restraint it had around her and she limply collapsed into the puddle of blood she had made, weakly taking her shirt off to stuff it against the wound though it quickly turned red.

Mai felt panic flare at the quick amount of blood she was losing and tried to get up but slammed back down onto her elbow, breathing roughly. As she landed, her hand rested onto the envelope he had left for her, and with trembling fingers opened the flap to take out the first picture.

_Test subjects 6432 to 6440. All failed._

It was a picture of some friends in her high school in Tokyo; Usagi, Michiru, Keiko- along with some reluctant friends she had made in her work place in Hokkaido huddling together in the same white scrubs.

'What.. What the hell is this?' The sudden adrenalin rush forced her to sit up and she emptied the contents of the package all over the red-smudged floor. The next pictures were worse then the one before- one injection with black liquid being forced into their veins, their dead bodies as a result, her-

Her apartment in Hokkaido- with dead bodies strewn everywhere and being set on fire-

She recognized it; she had watched this while it happened, seen it when she astral projected and thought it wasn't real though she had cried not even knowing why she was crying.

'_Oh God!'_ She scrambled up and vomited into the sink until her stomach heaved emptily.

Mai hugged her head in her arms and sobbed from her heart and soul, shaking with every cry she tried to muffle into her bruised arms.

_They had families, and futures, and people who loved them and-_

She twisted back to the sink and her stomach heaved even harder though it was empty.

_- they died because of ME!_

Mai tugged at her brunette locks but couldn't stop crying.

Trembling disbelievingly, she cleaned the sink and floor and had to stop many times when her sobs shook her frame too harshly and she lapsed back into coughs.

This was the breaking point- this was too much. They had to pay. They could do whatever they wanted to Mai, but bringing innocent people into this-

_Killing them because of her mistakes;_ she would never forget this.

Her destructive power swirled around her, pulsing in patient furious anger, and it was all she could do to keep it down. As she distantly washed her trembling hands she caught a reflection of her face in the shiny surfaces and saw a flash of the black alien eyes instead of her own features and shied back in surprise.

The door rattled, surprising as well, "Mai, are you still here?" Ayako called, "Are you feeling well sweetie?"

Her power lashed once again at her restraints and she crumpled to the floor, desperately bunching the pictures together and stuffing them back into the envelope, barely listening to Ayako ask if she were there once again.

'I have to get out of here.' She stumbled, holding back the hurricane of power but phased through the wall.. Then phased her head back in to concentrate on the kitchen lock and heard it click open before she disappeared once again to reach her room.

Tears were slipping silently down the curve of her face as she clutched the envelope harder to her one last time and shoved it under her covers along with the bloody shirt, grabbed a stray new sweater and phased completely out of the house.

Her power was starting to leak out of her control, and with her mind distracted, her hold was even worse than usual- the second the sun hit her skin trees cracked in half, pebbles and large rocks near her catapulted into the sky and the world tornado'd around her.

Mai took a deep breath, clutched the knife wound on her stomach, and ran as fast as she could into the forest.

More and more of her power leaked out from her hold and destroyed anything it touched or in her way, but she forced the burning miasma back as best as she could until, yards away from Hikaru, the envelope and her family, she found a part in the forest where the ground deepened and gave way to something like a chasm, which she stumbled into without another thought and completely dropped the block on her emotions and mind and just finally let go of everything.

"I'm sorry!" She screamed helplessly, tears streaming and clinging to the thick lashes around the black monstrosities. 'I'm so sorry!'

The sobs that shook her to the core spurred her power on, and even the clouds bent to their will and covered the sky ominously.

Drops of water suspended around her from a nearby trickling stream along with the tears that fell off her face, rocks and trees exploded or where pulled into the tornado, and Mai..

Mai sat uncaring of it all in the center, her pitch black eyes murderous and hopeless all at once, unable to believe how many people had died because of her.

They were going to pay.

_**They were going to pay.**_

Xxxxxxxx

Hours later, Mai walked down the hall silently towards the base, her hair still dripping wet and curling from a shower, adorned in new clothes and bandages to join her growing collection.

'Where is everyone?' She sighed, hoping no one was angry at her and rubbed her tired eyes.

"Mai!" She turned to see Takigawa and John peeking out at her from a room she passed earlier.

"John-san! It's good to see you!" She smiled, or at least miserably twitched her lips. "Is everything ok?"

"Mai, it's my pleasure!" The priest reddened happily. "I'm glad to see that you're feeling better. Kajimaru-san told us you went to rest."

"Jou-chan, you better go back to base, Naru-bou sent everyone to do exorcisms in every room- a couple hours ago every single thing that wasn't tied to the floor went _wild_; your love and Lin are still in there straightening things since everything finally calmed down now."

"..Did you just call Naru my-"

"See you, Jou-chan!"

Mai shook her head and huffed amusedly, continuing onto the base in apprehension as she knew exactly what had happened while she was gone. It seemed she hadn't been far enough for her meltdown to wreak havoc for her friends as well.

'Oh dear.' She mine as well come clean with the truth to Oliver and tell him that he had sent the exorcists in their group on a wild goose chase.

Tell him that she was completely useless and had no control over something so dangerous- like a baby with a ticking bomb.

"Mai. You're feeling better?" Oliver said before she even spotted him in the base; she had been looking with a grimace at every screen which showed nothing but static.

'All that work…' She smiled and joined to help pick up his fallen books, feeling guilty. "I'll be fine."

"Good. Then you have a lot of work to catch up on."

She grimaced again, peaking at the still static-y monitors. "Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about.. Um.. You err.. Might have just told everyone to do exorcisms on something that wasn't caused by ghosts.."

She thanked God he didn't turn to her with those blue orbs as it would have just unnerved her completely, instead he seemed more worried in organizing his bookshelf. "So you're saying it's not a poltergeist. Did you have a dream?"

"…Actually…" Just say it, Mai. "It was me."

That made him stop and give her an odd look, she must have created a record for amounts of times someone was able to surprise Oliver in a day. "It-It was an accident!" She added. "I didn't even know it happened until I ran into Bou-san a couple minutes ago or I would have.."

She stopped; would have done what? There was nothing she could do about anything lately.

"So you have PK."

"Something like it.."

Oliver completely turned to her. "What else haven't you told me..?" He quietly breathed.

She ignored that specific question and fidgeting, changed the subject. "I don't have very good control-"

"Obviously."

She ignored that too, "-But you do. You've had teachers and you know how to deal with this- and since I'm staying in England I-I was wondering if-"

"Fine, I'll teach you."

Mai bit her lip at his desolate, troubled tone. "Don't worry martyr-sama, I'll find a way to thank you."

Oliver's lip twitched before he uncrossed his nicely muscled arms and went back to organizing the bookshelf.

Hm.. Maybe she could get Oliver to tutor her in English as well. Would that be too much to ask for, though? Would he go back to ignoring her if it seemed that she wanted his help for shallow reasons?

"The first lesson is tomorrow before work at 6 am sharp. You seem too worn out to listen to me lecture you for hours today." That made her self-consciously rub her eyes again, but it didn't stop her from watching his delicious arms straining against his dark blue shirt as they worked. "You want to thank me? Don't be late."

"Hai, hai." She smiled lightly.

"Lin, tell everyone to stop the exorcisms and start cleaning. Mai stop checking me out and get to work."

"You-you- Augh, did I forget to call you a narcissist today?" The brunette left, completely red for the rest of the hour, but considerably happier.

She was going to work her hardest- her revenge wasn't her own anymore, and being sorry didn't do anything to help her. Mai chose being angry instead.

Once the door clicked shut Oliver for once was unable to return to working. That ridiculous girl.. He tries to distance himself from her and she has to go and be just as interesting as he remembered..

Running an exasperated hand through his hair, he chanced a look at Lin. "Can you meet us at 6 tomorrow as well? I'm planning.. Something like the lessons you used to give me."

**oOoOoOo**

_Ok, so I thought I wasn't an Otaku.. then I passed by an Otaku store with my sister and found myself basically shaking and restraining myself with everything I had not to run into there and maniacally grab every adorable thing on display. What a tragedy not having money is._

_Hope you all liked it and thank you, thank you for such amazing reviews that made me laugh- I'm glad a lot of people saw the resemblance to Ouran HSHC with Masako and the plane and everything lol, it's my utmost favorite manga and if you haven't read it I RECOMMEND IT TIMES A BILLION! GO! NOW! I've already read it 3 times (Ok fine, laugh at me, but you don't understand how good it is if you haven't read it)._

_I promise I'll cut Mai some slack now teehee. No more blood… Unless it's requested…_


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